滿滿的去 空空的回

明天就是出發到cambodia的日子。心情嘛…有點緊張。

這幾天禱告，除了求神預備我的心之外，也不知道應該怎樣禱告。
今天與教會導師吃飯，被問到…為什麼會想去/為什麼常做服侍的工作
這是一個沒法一下子找到答案的問題。

這個sem經歷了很多人與人相處的問題。
一切conflict、誤會、幫助、confrontation、沉默過後，終於發覺誰是那些真正支持我的朋友。
這一切的發現當然也帶給我失望、眼淚、疑問、失信。
一個又一個沒有答案的問題…
有人說可以做的就只有forgive，正如這字所說的：for give…沒有別的意思，就是give only。

或許我相信人往往是give了之後才可以真正的gain…我相信我送給他們的是時間、金錢、presence…但我收回來的是祝福。
可能我帶著去cambodia的，不竟是一個不完全的心，give的是不完全的愛。
但我也期望我能夠讓那邊的小孩子、服侍的隊伍認識及體會神完全的愛。
有人用「很有善心」來形容我… 說真的，聽之前這個字從來沒有come across my mind。
美國教會的牧師講到…今年christmas，不如give a little fewer presents，give more presence。
這也是我的心願，在christmas time，給小孩子多一些presence instead of presents。: )
除了期待給小孩子full presence之後，我也很期待這三星期沒有internet、沒有電腦的時間。
很想除掉生活中的distraction，fully engage in what's going on in reality。

這幾天禱告讀經聽別人的分享，總覺得前路有什麼大風暴等著我一樣。
現在是否是大風暴之前的風平浪靜呢？
但無論如何，我也是覺得平安的，也知道神在大風暴的時候也掌王權。

最後…想分享昨天randomly在網上看到的：話說突然很想search「命定」這詞語…得到的是這個:

認識你的命定
1.你的命定是與你能夠幫助的人有關的
2.你的命定是與你所在的地方有關
3.你的命定是跟你做得有果效的事情有關

http://www.gospelherald.com.hk/news/gen_1744.htm

似乎我三樣都知道了…那究竟我的命定是什麼？:-)

You were born to let us know that we are not alone.

The current series of sermon in my church is called, "Born for This". This series of sermons focuses on the birth of Jesus and the reason behind. The sermons are broken down into the following: 1) Born to show us how to live; 2) Born to let us know that we are not alone; 3) Born to bring us peace; 4) Born to die; 5) Born to live again.

One thing that I have been struggling with the Cambodia trip that I will be going is that I will not be home for Christmas and New Year. It is a big deal because I haven't been home for Christmas since 2006, which accumulates to be 4 Christmas's. After experiencing the disorganization of PLD, I know I have had thoughts like, "this trip better be good", "this trip better be worth it", "this trip better be worth my time and money". During the sermon this Sunday, Christ the pastor talked about what about giving fewer presents but more presence. It stroke me.

I know one of the reasons that I wanted to go on this trip was that this is one of the rare times that I can go home during winter. And this trip happened to be during winter time. After this winter, I will probably be working if I am in Hong Kong during winter time. So this year is more or less the only time I can go on this trip. I look forward to giving my presence to the kids in Takeo, Cambodia. I look forward to spending my holiday that honors the birth of my Savior Jesus Christ with these kids and the team.

No matter how broke I will be or already am, God, please cast my cares away. Fill me with Your joy, love, and compassion. Fill me with faith. Constantly remind me that I am not alone. God, take care of the fundraiser on Wednesday.

不能預計的

五年前﹐從沒有想過一個小小的決定﹐改變了我的一生。21年的生命﹐有四份一變了在8000miles遠的美國渡過。

三年前﹐沒有想過一個不滿意的結果﹐造就了今天的我。在UR的兩年半﹐可以說是多采多姿﹐是建立自信的重要時段。

一年前﹐沒有想過一個本著玩玩看的心﹐改變了我留學的目的地﹐令我學習第四個語言。

同樣﹐今天去Cambodia﹐也是不能預計的。又或者﹐謝楚宜的退出、加費等等是不能預計的。但我希望我在這三個星期的體驗、感受、友誼﹐也是不能預計的豐富。

昨天的GIG說到…我們舒舒服服的坐在有暖氣的房間裡﹐不用憂慮每天食的喝的。那一邊廂﹐兒童被抓去人口賣買。我知道…我們不能只坐在這裡高談闊論我們想做什麼。

是時候﹐作出行動﹐做你真正想做的事。你手所作的影響﹐是你不能預計的。

YOU NEVER LET GO LYRICS - MATT REDMAN
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won't turn back
I know you are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

(Chorus:)
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We'll live to know You here on the earth

(Chorus)

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You