力量 究竟在哪裡

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbUeeQbNcVY

自三月中回到香港後，心情很上有落，心裡彷彿有一股鬰鬰不得志的感覺，好像很想做一些東西，卻被種種制肘壓迫。有時候，在人群中或只是在朋友面前，也只想找一些東西麻目自己，瘋狂大笑算了，彷彿在那面部肌肉狂烈運動中能掩飾心中的空洞。

要離開的，離開了；要忘掉的，還需要一點時間；要明朗化的，漸漸知道答覆了；要放棄的，也在努力中。

我的心，你究竟在什麼時候遺失了？究竟在什麼角落弄掉了？
請教我能夠如何尋回你，請讓我能再一次感受，好嗎？

看到朋友有的在Google中intern，有的在peace corps intern；看到香港人登上珠峰；看到有朋友寫著dreams do come true；心裡不禁質疑自己，梁燕鳴，你的dream是什麼？你現在的目標是什麼？半年前以為自己尋著了 (確實是尋著了)，一直以為自己都是夢想、希望行先，這幾個月也真是有一點點jaded的感覺…我的憧憬都去哪裡了？一件又一件想做的事情，我想我真的需要一些鼓勵…

很想尋回我的力量…我的盼望　沿於衪的盼望。
很想把我的感受化作藝術表達出來。

LYM, rest in Him and rely in Him.

Mixed

I wanna break away from this state so much. I want to feel something, even if it is a slight shock, a small fear, or disheartening pain. 我不想半冷不熱。

Sagittarius hates the lack of freedom. And although how much I don't believe in horoscope, I think this stands valid. Witnessing your care and commitment, it somehow makes me want to turn away and leave. I am no longer a kid anymore, and I am the one who is responsible for my life. No one else can. Maybe put it in an easier way, I don't appreciate so much iintrusion to my life. I don't want to take your love for granted, but I also can't help doing it because I just can't do the same in return. Therefore, stop controling my life and just let me live the way I want to.

No matter how hackneyed it may sound, I still want to say... time really passes quickly. My junior year has gone. And when I return to RIC 3 months later, I will be a senior. A year that is supposed to fill with research, honors preparation, cooking, hanging out, and... computer science. I hope I will survive and I hope I will be there in the Robins Stadium on May 6, 2012 to get my undergraduate certificate. And I promise myself that I would truly embrace this last year of my undergraduate life, and possibly my last year living in the United States. I will treasure the moments cooking, laughing with friends, jogging around the lake, going to the gym, and maybe even reading Spiderbytes.

Feeling not safe at home is the last thing you want to experience. Can't fall asleep.... can't do anything.... /.\ ...... Sigh. Help.

Ai.... :'(

Since when?

Since when have I felt so not motivated?

Since when have I begun not wanting to care?

Since when will I not have any doubts?

. . . . . . .

Lacking... everything I need.

So static.