滿滿的去 空空的回

明天就是出發到cambodia的日子。心情嘛…有點緊張。

這幾天禱告，除了求神預備我的心之外，也不知道應該怎樣禱告。
今天與教會導師吃飯，被問到…為什麼會想去/為什麼常做服侍的工作
這是一個沒法一下子找到答案的問題。

這個sem經歷了很多人與人相處的問題。
一切conflict、誤會、幫助、confrontation、沉默過後，終於發覺誰是那些真正支持我的朋友。
這一切的發現當然也帶給我失望、眼淚、疑問、失信。
一個又一個沒有答案的問題…
有人說可以做的就只有forgive，正如這字所說的：for give…沒有別的意思，就是give only。

或許我相信人往往是give了之後才可以真正的gain…我相信我送給他們的是時間、金錢、presence…但我收回來的是祝福。
可能我帶著去cambodia的，不竟是一個不完全的心，give的是不完全的愛。
但我也期望我能夠讓那邊的小孩子、服侍的隊伍認識及體會神完全的愛。
有人用「很有善心」來形容我… 說真的，聽之前這個字從來沒有come across my mind。
美國教會的牧師講到…今年christmas，不如give a little fewer presents，give more presence。
這也是我的心願，在christmas time，給小孩子多一些presence instead of presents。: )
除了期待給小孩子full presence之後，我也很期待這三星期沒有internet、沒有電腦的時間。
很想除掉生活中的distraction，fully engage in what's going on in reality。

這幾天禱告讀經聽別人的分享，總覺得前路有什麼大風暴等著我一樣。
現在是否是大風暴之前的風平浪靜呢？
但無論如何，我也是覺得平安的，也知道神在大風暴的時候也掌王權。

最後…想分享昨天randomly在網上看到的：話說突然很想search「命定」這詞語…得到的是這個:

認識你的命定
1.你的命定是與你能夠幫助的人有關的
2.你的命定是與你所在的地方有關
3.你的命定是跟你做得有果效的事情有關

http://www.gospelherald.com.hk/news/gen_1744.htm

似乎我三樣都知道了…那究竟我的命定是什麼？:-)

You were born to let us know that we are not alone.

The current series of sermon in my church is called, "Born for This". This series of sermons focuses on the birth of Jesus and the reason behind. The sermons are broken down into the following: 1) Born to show us how to live; 2) Born to let us know that we are not alone; 3) Born to bring us peace; 4) Born to die; 5) Born to live again.

One thing that I have been struggling with the Cambodia trip that I will be going is that I will not be home for Christmas and New Year. It is a big deal because I haven't been home for Christmas since 2006, which accumulates to be 4 Christmas's. After experiencing the disorganization of PLD, I know I have had thoughts like, "this trip better be good", "this trip better be worth it", "this trip better be worth my time and money". During the sermon this Sunday, Christ the pastor talked about what about giving fewer presents but more presence. It stroke me.

I know one of the reasons that I wanted to go on this trip was that this is one of the rare times that I can go home during winter. And this trip happened to be during winter time. After this winter, I will probably be working if I am in Hong Kong during winter time. So this year is more or less the only time I can go on this trip. I look forward to giving my presence to the kids in Takeo, Cambodia. I look forward to spending my holiday that honors the birth of my Savior Jesus Christ with these kids and the team.

No matter how broke I will be or already am, God, please cast my cares away. Fill me with Your joy, love, and compassion. Fill me with faith. Constantly remind me that I am not alone. God, take care of the fundraiser on Wednesday.

不能預計的

五年前﹐從沒有想過一個小小的決定﹐改變了我的一生。21年的生命﹐有四份一變了在8000miles遠的美國渡過。

三年前﹐沒有想過一個不滿意的結果﹐造就了今天的我。在UR的兩年半﹐可以說是多采多姿﹐是建立自信的重要時段。

一年前﹐沒有想過一個本著玩玩看的心﹐改變了我留學的目的地﹐令我學習第四個語言。

同樣﹐今天去Cambodia﹐也是不能預計的。又或者﹐謝楚宜的退出、加費等等是不能預計的。但我希望我在這三個星期的體驗、感受、友誼﹐也是不能預計的豐富。

昨天的GIG說到…我們舒舒服服的坐在有暖氣的房間裡﹐不用憂慮每天食的喝的。那一邊廂﹐兒童被抓去人口賣買。我知道…我們不能只坐在這裡高談闊論我們想做什麼。

是時候﹐作出行動﹐做你真正想做的事。你手所作的影響﹐是你不能預計的。

YOU NEVER LET GO LYRICS - MATT REDMAN
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won't turn back
I know you are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

(Chorus:)
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We'll live to know You here on the earth

(Chorus)

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

第二十二個年頭…

二十一歲的生日意味著人生第二十二個年頭…

嘗試找上年生日寫的NOTE﹐卻什麼在找不到。心裡想﹐是不是上年的我就只顧著喝酒了﹖終於﹐在facebook inbox中找到了﹐原來上年有3個wishes: 1)zack lake becomes a better person…可以說是come true了其實…2) find someone that i want to marry…nope 3)去netherlands…nope但我下sem去
日本。

今年生日…彷彿所有野都係新的開始。今日發覺jeff yu有了新女朋友﹐end左我地既電話/msn/skype﹐我亦都defriend左佢﹐delete左佢contact等等。finally發覺其他人都一早有自己的生活: jip-n/a; philip-iris; jx-freshman; sean-d。所以﹐其實呢年真係新的開始﹐no going back﹐一切由零開始。

睇著紅日記﹐先發覺神的復興在六月開始﹐到而家已經半年了。
呢半年﹐o係香港經歷的好似係預備我呢個sem要面對既野咁﹐呢個sem真係好孤獨﹐實不相瞞﹐可能呢個sem流既眼淚多過我咁多個sem流既總和。但…神讓我見到佢既工作, 衪的同在。又o係21歲呢個關口中﹐再一次拉我番到正路。

我要學習咩野先係真正以神為首的生命﹐點樣先可以更加知道神的心意同帶領。

今年的禱告係：求神讓我學習如何活出神為首的生命﹐更像耶穌﹐多點睇bible﹐多點多點禱告﹐多點多點為身邊的人禱告…

Thank you for everything, my dear Lord. You are the Best.. and the biggest.. the highest...
Lead me.

不了了之

或許愈踏入人生另一個階段的時候，身邊的人、事變得愈快…
或許事情發生的那一刻，有很多情緒產生…
但往往沒有時間回應，被太多世務纏繞，所以不了了之。
累積下來，總是有一些時候覺得不能承受了。

人愈大，接觸的人愈多。
唯有時間才能夠告訴你，什麼人值得花多一點時間在他們身上。
有一些人…從前花了很多時間、心機在他們身上，
或許他們所做的跟我期望的不同，或是沒有做我所期望的…
又或者隨著時間、距離，關係已經變得不再一樣。
又或者…明明是可以再努力一點的，當我發覺對方已經沒有付上努力的時候，我質疑這段關係是否還值得我花心血…

我也不想把自己victimize。
但太多無形的失望、傷害，主，求你親自醫治。

Mere productivity is not enough.

This semester has been a tough semester for me honestly. Not only did academic work get harder, extra-curricular activities added so much to my plate. Before a 5-day break begins next Tuesday, let's do a quick recap on what have been accomplished.

Classes:
1. PSYC 444 Clinical Case Studies
- tons of readings every week
- write a 2-page condense paper every week
- 1 group presentation for 2 whole periods of class
- 1 2-page grant proposal
2. PSYC Research
- Ran participants
- Group presentation
- Research grant proposal and grant received
- Data analysis
3. Genetics
- 2 exams
- 2 lab reports
- quizzes
- individual 10-minute presentation
4. Japanese
- Study, study, study...
5. Intro to Anthropology
- Readings
- 1 exam

Outside of classes:
1. Study abroad application
2. Acceptance application follow-up (Kansai Gaidai application)
3. Golden Key Study Abroad Scholarship Application
4. Project Little Dream Application
5. MaD Application
6. TEDxYSE conference

Other responsibilities:
1. RA (tons of work)
2. International Month Planning Commmittee (tons of work)
3. Tutor
4. Group Investigating God
5. (Badminton)

New things that came along the way:
1. TEDxYSE conference
2. MaD competition
3. SSIR program (serious consideration)
4. Psychology Honors Program
5. Summerbridge

Too hard to summarize this semester in a list. :-) God, You are too awesome. Please grant me strength and wisdom to get through the remaining weeks of the semester!

What Kind of World do we live in right now?

I don't remember starting from when this world does not make sense to me anymore. It appears ridiculous to me that we need to come up with some incentives to attract people to come to our events/programs. These incentives include, but are not limited to, free food, raffles, free gifts, etc. Why do we need to spend so much money getting food, gifts, things that people actually do not need or have the ability to get for themselves? Why do we need to have some incentives for people in order to get the messages across? What kind of world are we living in right now?

Why do people take so much for granted and would never appreciate and treasure what they really have?

...

Revelation

Below are honest revelations as I do not know how I should express myself:

1. Last night, my friend and also one of the members of the marketing team for International Month sent me a flyer. I asked her to revise some details and she said, "FINE but is that it? anything else? like you liked it you hate it or i hate you?" And I was shocked when I got these messages. I calmed myself down first and answered one by one. The truth was, she hadn't received the email in which I said "good work!" twice. Honestly, I almost cried because I thought this person was mad at me and had been feeling dissatisfied about my leadership. But in fact, she wasn't mad. Thanks God... I realize I really have little confidence in my leadership. I know that I am a leader naturally, but I do not want to be a bad leader at all. I am still in the process of learning. And I want to be one of the good leaders. I want everyone to be happy and feel good about working with me.

2. I feel lonely at times. I'm beginning to feel that I can't stand this anymore. I need to see my partner, my companion. Oh God...

3. I have 1 big exam, 1 quiz, 1 presentation, and 1 paper due this week. I just hope this semester will be over asap, seriously.

4. I want time to do my own things, like going to the gym and reading.

Seriously... this is one of the hardest times ever. But thanks God, I know I can go through these. I know that He never gives things that I cannot handle to me. I know that through these, I will build a stronger relationship with God, and that's what everything is about. If not, what's the point? Therefore, I do not want to miss the point. I do not want to do perfect in all these things but miss out the main point to build a relationship with God.

:-)

One of Them

In Your Arms

I’m turning the world off
Embracing the silence
Walking away from all the voices
That are Screaming in my ear

I've been too caught up
I've been so stressed out
All of the noise replaced the whisper
That used to be so clear

So I close every door
Put my face back on the floor

And I'm in Your arms
Where I belong
There's no other place for me
Than right where You are
Some things just don't change
When I call Your name
You never hesitate to wrap me in endless grace
When I'm in Your arms

I’m letting my fears go
Giving You control
For You are the one who holds me closer
In my soul's darkest night

Everything I see
Is so temporary
So help me to run the race before me
With eternity in sight

Now I close every door
Put my face back on the floor

To sit at Your feet
At Your table of mercy
To gaze on Your beauty, my Lord
To drink from Your well
And be changed by Your glory
How could I ask for more
Jesus, how could I ask for more

I have been feeling incredibly stressed since Friday. Maybe it's because of the genetics exam next Tuesday which I have not started studying for yet. Sigh. Lord, wrap me in your armrs; let me see You because I need to, so that I can go on.

Self and Others

I am experiencing another burnout, another period of extreme weariness. I tried to let it slide, but I have to admit that part of it may due to the fact that a person possibly questioned me whether I ever listened to and tried to understand her, rather than offered advice and my opinion. I know that deep inside I think that there is no way I can understand this person because of all she is experiencing right now. However, I also questioned myself whether I put into the effort of understanding. What's the fine line between understanding, care, and advice really? For everything you say, it is inevitable that you are expressing your opinion, no matter how neutral you wish it was. But, the speaker may not necessarily demand you to follow his/her opinion. Or very often, the speaker know that the other party is not going to follow. I guess those "opinions" are the central beliefs that we hold on to.

Sometimes, I ponder since when have I not articulated my inner, true feelings? I do not know. In my impression, I think the expressive one was far back when I was in Form 4 or Form 5. I guess the primary ways for me to express my emotions now are: laugh and cry. Is it really that important to examine why we feel a certain way? Or in fact, when we think we have found the right reason, to what extent is it true? How important is it to explain ourselves, explain how we feel? And after the explanation, how much should we expect others to understand? And what about those who don't explain themselves? Are they expected not to be understood then?

Questions, to me, are ways of reflection. When I ask a question, I let you control your answer. And you have the right to decide your own answer, unlike a statement. A question is meant to be communicative as it requires an answer to make the conversation meaningful. A question is not meant to be a sign of suspect or mistrust. I-statement is very powerful. Classic example: I love you. A bunch of I-statements gave ma a headache.

You see?

Gut Check

Fall Break is finally here. I will be on the road tomorrow morning with Neil, Dasom, Yan Lin, and Masato, heading to the direction of Savannah, Georgia. Apart from the fun and laughter that I anticipate, I hope that I can get plenty of rest.

To be honest, this semester is a tough one. First, I begin to deal with work of senior level for my major, such as senior seminar and research. Second, I am the head of the International Month Planning Committee, if you want to put it that way. Third, I am also doing a bunch of applications for study abroad, winter programs, fundraisers, scholarships, etc.

There have been times when I want to leave this place and go to a new environment. As a matter of fact, the very moment that I am typing this sentence, I desire to do that. Can I vent here? Can I really just write what I think and feel here? Have you ever had times when you can just cry when you think of something? Have you ever had your tears just run down your face when you had the thought that you are hurt? They just roll down your face silently. International Month is causing me a tremendous amount of stress. I like it and I am excited to see how it is. However, I realize how much I do not like being the sole leader. I do not like leading alone. I do not like assigning tasks to people. I do not like asking people how their progress is on the tasks. I wish there were more people taking the initiative than just saying, "oh, that's really cool!" Why do I need to be so relationship-oriented? Why do I need to care so much others feel when the opposite doesn't really happen? Sometimes, I wish people understood that everything is an effort. To achieve something or to do something well, you need to put in your effort. Relationship is the same. When I make time for you, going to lunch or dinner together, I am making an effort intentionally and I am conscious about that. But other people seem not I understand. I also wonder... is being responsible that hard? Why don't people do what they promised? And if they are not sure whether they can do it in the first place, why did they make the promise?

God, lead me through all these.

Life.

Hold My Heart

Hold My Heart lyrics
Songwriters: Donehey, Michael; Ingram, Jason David; Larue, Phillip;
How long must I pray, must I pray to You
How long must I wait, must I wait for You
How long 'till I see Your face
See You shining through

I'm on my knees
Begging You to notice me
I'm on my knees
Father, will You turn to me, yeah?

One tear in the dropping rain
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the Maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?

One life is all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart?

I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye
But if there's no other way
I'm done asking why

'Cause I'm on my knees
Begging You to turn to me
I'm on my knees
Father, will You run to me, yeah?

One tear in the dropping rain
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the Maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?

One life is all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart?

So many questions without answers
Your promises remain
I can't see but I'll take my chances
To hear You call my name
To hear You call my name

One tear in the dropping rain
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the Maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?

One life is all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart?

Hold my heart
Could You hold my heart?
Hold my heart

Oh my Dear, you are not with me.

Writing this blog is a challenge for me because I do not want to login here and start rambling every day. I want each and every one of the entries to have a central theme. It's tough.

Time passes so swiftly that Fall Break is only in a week's time. Despite the relative small amount of work I had for this past week, I had been feeling sick since Wednesday. I felt a lot better today and the credit might actually go to the warm and sunny weather. I went to the gym and was happy to find that my endurance increased again. I submitted my application to Project Little Dream and for study abroad in Japan. Everything seemed to be all set now except that I just need to wait for the result. The preparation for I-Month is going well and I can foresee that things will be more intense and busy as November approaches.

I know that God is always with me and is giving me all I need. For the times when I was feeling sad and hopeless, He lifted me up from the valley of tears. For the times when I was anxious and feeling insecure, He showed me His power and let me know that everything was in His hands. For the times when I was lonely, He was always with me. I remember during IV Fall Retreat, the speaker once said the power that rose Jesus up is the same power that we have inside us today. This was a new concept for me because I had never thought in this way. Later, I came across with some verses that explained everything.

¹¹And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you. (Romans 8:11)

How precious is this promise of God! The same power that raised Jesus from the dead is living in us today. Do we ever realize how powerful we can be through Christ? This power is more powerful and more magnificent than everything else. With this power, we can achieve everything for God's glory.

These days, I just feel a strong urge to pray for my Dear. Raise up Dear! There's no time to waste.

親愛的你怎麼不在身邊
詞:鄔裕康　曲:郭子

這裡的空氣很新鮮
這裡的小吃很特別
這裡的Latte不像水
這裡的夜景很有感覺
在一萬英呎的天邊
在有港口View的房間
在討價還價的商店
在凌晨喧鬧的三四點
可是親愛的　你怎麼不在我身邊
我們有多少時間能浪費
電話再甜美　傳真再安慰
也不足以應付不能擁抱你的遙遠
我的親愛的　你怎麼不在我身邊
一個人過一天像過一年
海的那一邊　烏雲一整片
我很想為了你快樂一點
可是親愛的　你怎麼 不在身邊

在一萬英呎的天邊
在有港口View的房間
在討價還價的商店
在凌晨喧鬧的三四點
可是親愛的　你怎麼不在我身邊
我們有多少時間能浪費
電話再甜美　傳真再安慰
也不足以應付不能擁抱你的遙遠
我的親愛的　你怎麼不在我身邊
一個人過一天像過一年
海的那一邊　烏雲一整片
我很想為了你快樂一點
可是親愛的　你怎麼 不在身邊

Revelation

I have been feeling terrible this entire week without known reasons. I actually really want to know why. Yesterday was the worst. My stomach was not acting normal the whole day and I was woken up by the weird loud sound made by my stomach when I was taking a 45-minute nap. How strange is that? It may be the weather because it has been raining for several days now and there is a sudden drop of temperature.

Aiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiai. I want... a break! Fall Break is coming!

Sometimes on the path...

I feel like I am totally by myself. And this is one of those times. Again and again. I keep thinking... if there's anyone I can go to. I can't really think of anyone. I thought about... the last time when I cried in the presence of someone, when I could get some advice from someone, and when I could cry on someone's shoulder without worrying about anything. I can't really think of such a time. And then I remember my prayer to You, at the very beginning, in which I prayed that I would learn to be a leader directly from You. And I thought about Moses and Alan. Even God gave Alan to Moses as a companion, when Moses went up to the mountain to see God for the 10 commandments, Moses returned only to find out that Alan created the gold calf together with the Israelite.

I know all of these. But I just pray that You let me see You. You let me see that You are with me and that You know that I shred tears and You count them.

6 Months Later...

Half a year ago, I sat here and wrote the note "It goes on and on, it goes beyond time." Half a year later, I am sitting at the same place, Ellwood's Coffee, writing a blog, however, with a complete different attitude.

Although I've mentioned for a thousand times in the past entries, I still think that God is challenging me what faith is. I did not go to Area10 one Sunday because I went to Intervarsity fall retreat. So I listened to it again last Saturday while I was on duty and I still remember what Chris, the pastor, said about the sailboat. He said, the sailboat may be the safest at the dock, however, it is not at where it is meant to be. A sailboat is supposed to go into the ocean and have a journey. The same for us. We are not supposed to get stuck here and go nowhere. We are supposed to have our own journeys, walk our paths, and write our stories. I went to a Chinese church last Sunday and the sermon was about Abraham and how Abraham is the father of faith and that he took a big step in being willing to sacrifice his only son.

For the mean time, I got a message from my friend saying that she's dissatisfied with her life and that she wants to do something different. On the same day, I watched a movie called The Fair Trade Movie, featuring a young woman whose boyfriend was killed in a car accident and ever since, her life was changed. It's about how she got interested in Fair Trade and started to have an impact on people in different parts of the world. In the movie, it says:

"Movements are not fueled by ideas. Movements come from individual sufferings and sacrifices."

It may sound too serious for a quotation. However, I am indeed deeply moved by this quote. Oh Lord, I am scared. I am scared of where You are going to lead me to. Just like Moses, I do not think I am competent to do such a job. But God, when I see the path You are constantly pointing to me, I just pray that You will give me the strength and faith that I need to take this leap of faith. I pray that when time is appropriate, You will give me my life companion on earth. I pray that You will continue to give me honesty and a genuine heart in life. God, I give You all I have.

My heart, my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out, O my soul cries out 

Extraordinary.

21 Qualities of Leaders

1. Character: foundation of leadership

Leadership is to bring out the ability and willpower of people towards a common goal. It can trigger self-confidence from people.

2. Charisma: First impression can affect overall situation

How to develop one’s charisma? To actively help others and to affirm oneself instead of eagerly asking others to affirm you.

3. Commitment: difference between dreamer and doer

People do not follow indecisive leaders. One’s commitment level can be shown from many things: your working hours, your determination to improve, your sacrifice for people whom you serve...etc.

4. Communication: you’d only be walking by yourself by you lack it

Leaders need to transform their knowledge and vision into enthusiasm and passion in order to pass them on to others. If a leader cannot clearly spread the message and encourage others to join, the message is useless.

5. Competence: people will follow you if you have it

Competence is beyond the level of words. It is the leader’s ability to communicate, plan and execute so that others can trust your leadership and are willing to follow you.

6. Courage: one who is courageous is better than many

An important virtue of men is courage, because it can fuel other virtues during times of difficulties.

7. Discernment: no mystery unsolved

Smart leaders only believe half of what they hear; only discerning leaders know which half to believe in.

8. Focus: the clearer you focus, the less confused you will be

What people say, what people do and what people say they’ll do can be completely unrelated.

9. Generosity: if your candles can light up other candles, then it’ll burn forever

Nobody obtains honour for getting things. Honour is a reward for giving.

10. Initiative: don’t leave home if you don’t bring it with you

Success is impossible without actions. Successful people continuously engage in something. Although they make mistakes at times, they never quit.

11. Listening: to win others’ heart, please use your ears

A good leader always encourages others to voice what she/he needs to know, not what she/he wants to hear.

12. Passion: One life only, use it fully

If one doesn’t love his job, there will not be success.

13. Positive attitude: if you believe in yourself, you will be able to achieve

In this generation, our biggest discovery is that we can change out attitude to change our lives.

14. Problem-solving: don’t let your difficulties stumble you.

You can evaluate the ability of a leader by the magnitude of the problems she/he handles. We usually choose to resolve issues that we can manage.

15. Relationships: if you are easy-going, people are more willing to follow you.

One important tip to success is to know how to live with others.

16. Initiative: don’t leave home if you don’t bring it with you

Success is impossible without actions. Successful people continuously engage in something. Although they make mistakes at times, they never quit.

17. Security: Even very able person cannot live without it.

If one only wishes oneself to succeed and to take all credits, one can never be an outstanding leader. She/he cannot provide a sense of security to the others. She/he will restrict brilliant people and limit potential development of the organisation.

18. Self-discipline: before leading, learn self-discipline

Talents without self-discipline are like an octopus wearing ice-skates. There are nonstop movements, but it is unclear whether the octopus is moving forward, moving backward or spinning.

19. Servanthood: if you want to stand before men, remain behind them at first

True leaders serve the others and consider the benefits of the others. Although they may be unwelcome or unappreciated at times, they don’t mind. It is because true leaders treat others with passion instead of being driven by self-glorification. They are willing to sacrifice themselves for others.

20. Teachability: nonstop leading, nonstop learning

The time you spend to listen and to read should be ten times as much as the amount of time you use to talk. This attitude will ensure your continual learning and growth.

21. Vision: you can only grasp what you see

To own the future is to firmly hold onto opportunities before they manifest fully.

References:

約 翰．麥斯威爾著，徐顯光譯 (2000)﹕《天生領袖─領導21特質》。台北：道聲出版社。

Maxwell, John C. (1999). The 21 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader: Becoming the Person Others Will Want to Follow. Nashville, Tenn: Thomas Nelson Publishers.

Let Your love and Your love only embrace me.

Last week, I was asking what faith was. During the past week, I found the answer. Faith is when you believe it will be okay if you just try your best and try not to worry; faith is when you keep praying for what you really hope to see happen; faith is when you step outside of your comfort zone and see what it's like. God has let me see that when I put my faith on Him, He works miracles. Like my professor in PSYC 444. Today, I got my first paper back, with a 4.5/5 (Yes!). I had my first GIG tonight. It was AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME! Thank you God for providing such a wonderful family for us. Thank you God for bringing this group of 3 girls to us. They are simply perfect matches. I pray that we, our GIG, will come to a personal understanding of what faith is.

"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." Hebrews 11:6

Following faith, it seems that God is asking me what Love is. What is love? I am still struck by what Andy said last night. God, I pray that You replace my heart with Your heart, help me pass on Your love that has been given to me, and be a good testimony in front of others. God, You know so well that what I want and what I yearn for. I pray that let You alone be my yearning and may Your presence and Your Holy Spirit be my biggest satisfaction.

P.S. I have been feeling a big urge to pray for you recently.

堅強

I would like to dedicate this song to myself...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wFlMg5DwEA

Overrated

God is moving in a speed that I can never imagine. Each and every day, I am encountering new things that I have never imagined. As I mentioned before, I feel like God have been challenging my faith constantly recently. This week, God has opened my eyes to see that when I have faith and do my best, God will do the rest. The first encounter was the experience with YY as mentioned in the previous blog. The second one was on Sunday while I was doing RA duty. I was a bit sad and so stressed because of work. I couldn't concentrate at all so I started praying. After the prayer, I went to buy something from the vending machine. Originally, I wanted Twix but for some reasons, the machine wouldn't let me get it. I tried three times and still failed although there were more than 3 Twix in the machine. So I went for Snicker instead. But the vending machine not only gave me the Snicker, but also M&M's! And I just felt like God was speaking to me at that time, telling me that what I want is not always what He's giving me, no matter how available it is. If I surrender and receive what He gives me, there's going to be a bonus. What surprised me was that, I tried 3 times getting Twix. I see how stubborn I am now... And I thought of this verse: Matthew 7:9-10. '⁹"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? ¹⁰Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?' This is important because all those 3 things are all chocolates. While I wanted chocolate, God did not give me potato chips or biscuits. He KNOWS what I want.

The third encounter was this Monday. First of all, I have been worrying about my PSYC 444 class because obviously, it's an upper-level class and I'm the only Junior in this class. The readings are intense and the writing criteria are somewhat demanding. More importantly, the professor of this class is my advisor as well as the professor that I am doing research with. Therefore, I cannot mess up this class. I was worried because for a small senior seminar class that only has 8 people, it means that you need to speak up a lot. However, for the first 'discussion' class, I was able to say some good points and the professor was like, "very good! :D" Later on the day, I was a bit upset because I felt like the professor doesn't like me. She was rather cold when she said "well, I will see you in the afternoon," while she glared at my dress. Later in the afternoon, I had a meeting with her because I needed to ask some questions on the grant proposal that I am writing. At the end of the meeting, she said, "I'm really impressed by how quickly you are catching up with all the work that's going on in our lab." WAHOO! At that time, I just felt like it's unbelievable. God has showed me that when I do my best and have faith, He's always here.

The thing today was just ridiculous. Someone approached me on Facebook and asked me to be her Cal I tutor. She said a few people recommended me and said I was really good. At that time, my first feeling was... "Oh, I'm so overrated." Seriously. Because there have been definitely times when I just didn't know the answers or didn't know how to solve the problems. But anyway, I accepted this offer.

However, one very very important thing is that... the closer I am with God, the more destructive the spiritual war is. Believe it or not, the war is GOING ON. I just knew yesterday that my brother has gotten really sick for several days. I swear this has never happened before. And why now? We, as soldiers who fight in the front, really need protection. May we all function properly in our designated position by God and be one body.

God, I trust you. I put my faith in you.

So far away, yet so seemingly Close

http://hk.news.yahoo.com/article/100903/23/k1ft.html

The Hong Kong tourists held hostages in the Philippines incident is still fresh on press. The news range from encouragement for Jason, a teenager that was severely injured and is now in a coma, to the revelation of more of the irresponsible handling from the Philippines government. To me, death is a concept that is so far away, yet so seemingly close, especially after the incident of the Malone sisters from UR this summer. It is still a concept for me because it has not been one of my personal experiences, which I am very thankful for.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=othmFqaw0Yk&feature=related

Casting Crowns - Who Am I Lyrics
Who am I?

That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wondering heart.

Not because of who I am.
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done.
But because of who you are.

Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord you catch me when I'm falling,
And you told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again
Who am I?
That the voice that calm the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

Not because of who I am.
But because what of youve done.
Not because of what I've done.
But because of who you are.

Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord you catch me when I'm falling,
And you told me who I am.
I am yours.

Not because of who I am.
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done.
But because of who you are.

Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord you catch me when I'm falling,
You told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Whom shall I fear?
Whom shall I fear?
'Cuz I am yours.
I am yours.

Deeply touched by this song. This week, God constantly reminds me that I should put my faith in Him. It seems that I need to re-learn what faith is again. What is faith really?

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

I feel like everything that I am facing now is a test of faith for me. The first one is definitely I-Month. Do I have faith in God that He can train me to be a good leader in front of all these amazing people that I am going to work with? Do I have faith that this will be a success? The second one would be with IV. Do I have faith that... when I step in this circle, I will be blessed by these people? I need to admit that each encounter with IV people is out of my comfort zone. Do I have faith in these people that I will be working with? Third one. GIG. Faith. God, show me what faith is. I know God has shown me once already. This week, a girl named YY has been constantly in my heart as a potential invitee to GIG. She's in my anthro class. On Saturday, she came to badminton practice and she was wearing a shirt with a bible verse on it. I asked if she's a Christian and she said yes. I asked if she would be interested in joining GIG and she said yes! That was my first interaction with her. Praise be to the Lord!

What is faith?

How He Loves Us

How He Loves Us - David Crowder

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

Yeah, He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,

[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/how-he-loves-lyrics-david-crowder.html ]

Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves.

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.
And Heaven meets earth like an unforseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don't have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way

God, touch me every day, speak to me every day, open my heart every day. Sometimes, I wish I didn't need to make any decisions at all. However, that's always not the case. Small Group, Fall Retreat, Rugged Reflection... why am I bothered by these small things? Why? God, I need you, so much.

Be a Good Soldier

"You then, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others. Endure hardship with us like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No one serving as a soldier gets involved in civilian affairs-he wants to please his commanding officer." 2 Timothy 2:1-4

A lot of ups and downs has happened during this first week of classes. Underestimated the amount of business I need to take care of, I must admit that I feel a bit overwhelmed. However, I have been constantly reminded by the Holy Spirit that I am 1) a student and 2) an RA; and for this semester, I am responsible for 1) leading a GIG targeting on Chinese students and 2) organizing International Month. These are arranged in the order of importance.

There were some small incidents throughout the week. For example, on Wednesday night, I felt so deep in desperation that I needed a companion to walk with me along this path. The next day, when I shared this thought with one of my best friends here, she responded that she has been wanting to tell me that she wants to take a bigger role in International Month and that she wants to walk with me. God answers prayers. Another incident is that, when I was praying for GIG, I was deeply touched by this song, 我高舉雙手.

我攤開我的雙手 想要給你什麼 卻一無所有
我獻上我的身體 想要報答你什麼 可是卻虧欠你那麼多
主你卻用你溫柔雙手 抬起我的頭 輕輕對我說 你恩典夠我用
我高舉雙手 觸摸你的手 倒空生命 只願愛你更多
我高舉雙手 願觸摸你的手 定睛仰望十架 成我力量

What can we give to Jesus when we do not have anything?
What can we sacrifice to Jesus when we owe Him so much?
However, He does not care how inadequate we are. All He wants is that we make THE choice and walk with Him in our life. All He wants is that we put aside our personal needs and regard following Him as the most important thing in life. Throughout this week, God has been reminding me to be a good soldier in Him, have a pure heart, and live a transparent life in front of others.

Throughout the week, I have been wondering... what can I do for all the people around me who I come into contact with every day? There are so many of them; there are so many people who I know and would say hi to but would never exchange more than 2 sentences. What can I do? Is it worth it to have those people as 'friends' on Facebook? What does it mean when we know like 2,000 people in our life but we never really interact them? The answer is that... I do not know. But I believe, God put us here for a reason. And that He has planned out the best for us.

Add oil, let us all stand up and fight for the Kingdom of God!

This hidden emotion always overwhelms me.

Thinking that tomorrow is the last day of my week lightens up my mood a little bit; however, it still does not give me enough energy to study for my Japanese quiz tomorrow. This week, I have been constantly reminded of what true kindness is. "The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith." (1 Timothy 1:5) "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." (Colossians 3:12) It is hard to do this kindness sometimes. However, I have found myself trying to change these days, trying to be nicer, trying to love more. I know that I am doing this for Christ, nonetheless, I feel the hollowness inside me.

Today, I heard an interesting comment about me, a comment that I've never heard before actually. One of my best friends here said to her boyfriend, "I'm so impressed by Shirley! She is really changing the University of Richmond and doing what she's passionate about. I admire her so much!" Something similar. I know that I enjoy bringing people together and organizing events. That's also where I can my satisfaction. However, as these things progress, especially after the large planning meeting on Tuesday night, I started to feel a sense of emptiness and loneliness inside me. Somehow, I really wish there's someone who shares the same vision as mine, who can walk with me along the way, who I can seek help from and pray together about everything, who I can count on as my partner. I wish that I can find someone to do International Month and GIG with me. I wish there is someone who I can share every piece of frustration and happiness with.

God, be my friend.

Lost in Opportunities

These first two days of school have been extremely exhausting for me. As a third-year student, my classes have become more difficult, intensive, interactive, and time-consuming. This semester, I am taking PSYC 444 Clinical Case Studies and Psychology Research. Both classes have to do a lot with cognitive neuroscience, the study of brain functions, and studying patients with brain damages. I think I have gotten a bit lost amidst all the brains. I begin to think, what all these have to do with my future if I want to be a teacher. I start to think if this is really what I want to do. I need to admit that I am a bit lost. I do realize that the scientific foundation of this subject gives me security. In my opinion, this is science because we are studying the brain. We are trying to understand something concrete, instead of something abstract, like emotions. It suits me in a sense that I am a logical person. But... still, I am a little bit lost.

This semester will be particularly busy for me as I will be preparing for the first annual International Month here at U of R. This has been very exciting because we had a planning meeting today and over 40 people showed up with ideas and suggestions. I know that I am leaving a mark here in this school, changing the school culture, and promoting diversity which is something I am passionate about.

At the same time, I have been hearing great things about GIGs. I pray that God will provide the right partner for me, the right people in the group, and the right time for everyone.

I pray that for every step I take, I do it with God. I pray that God gives me more courage and strength to go through each day with joy and energy. I pray that God grant me sensitive ears so that I am able to converse with Him every day at any time.

Superwoman

I began to realize that my physical strength has grown significantly. One of my unspoken principles in life is that I do whatever I can according to my ability, meaning that if I think I have the ability to finish this task, I will try finishing it by myself before I seek help. These tasks include physical tasks, such as moving in. Today, I helped one of my residents carry 4 cinder blocks from the storage room in the basement to her room on the second floor. And then we raised her bed together. 15 minutes later, I got a call saying that she needed to put one huge box and a printer in Yan Lin's room, although Yan Lin herself has not come back on campus yet. Therefore, as a matter of fact, I did a lot of physical-demanding tasks that I do not necessarily need to do.

During RA training, we had to complete our high rope course. I managed to climb the pole and jump. That was the first task. The second task was to climb the tower, which I already accomplished last year. Despite the sickness I felt on that day, I accomplished such a task again. I told my brother and his response was, "Surely you can dinish them la, you are so strong." Most of my close friends probably think that I am a strong person. However, this statement coming out from my brother actually means a lot to me. I guess part of it is the fact that a male who is 6 years older than I am thinks that I am strong. Then, I guess I must be pretty strong. Part of it is the realization that I am no longer a little girl in his eyes.

To me, being strong is a significant part of being a woman. Women should not be weak and submissive. And I'm glad that I am part of this movement.

Back to the Bubble

I have been back for almost a week already. For this past week, what I did was... unpacking, going to workshops and talks for Resident Assistant training, doing door decorations, doing bulletin boards, mingling with my staff, blowing my nose for a thousand times a day, and coughing. The whole week has not been so great because of the tight schedule and the heat. Nonetheless, I managed to make it till today and there's only a few more days left for training.

Going through what I went through the same time last year is a bit not fun. But throughout this process, I did challenge myself and wanted to push myself out of my comfort zone a bit. I tried to be more engaging and add more to the conversations. I tried to meet some new people and I did. For the High Rope course, I managed to climb both the the tasks we needed to do although the first one was really scary and I was a bit sick when I was doing the second one. I managed to finish them. One thing that I really want to achieve this year is to build a personal relationship with each of my residents. This is hard but I will give it a try. And also to be a good leader is like being who you are. You cannot put on a 'good leader' face.

While I'm far away in the land of America, much is happening in HK. I saw so much on Facebook concerning the leader of AccessHK. I saw that people defriended him on Facebook and started saying bad things about him on Facebook. I heard that people are going to write a complaint letter to the council so that he can get the consequences he deserves. To be honest, I do not know much about all these. I do not even know what he did to others that made them so angry and so agitated about him. But the whole issue is just sad. I wonder how he feels if he knows about all these. I'm glad that I'm out of the whole issue and as an outsider, maybe I can see more clearly. But honestly, I do not have a say and I do not mind that I don't.

I can foresee how busy I will be during this semester already. I just hope that I can make it through without forgetting what my first priority is. God, I put my faith in You and put everything in Your hands.

未來領袖

寫於昨天 (八月六日)

這幾天千頭萬緒…明天，我就會正式與鮮魚行學校說再見。今天總綵排的時候，自己也有少少緊張，最後他們的表演也挺好！見著五年級的同學，叫起了校長在通訊所說的。

昨天偶然在見到鮮魚行學校校長的通訊，說到這些小學生是未來領袖。校長也引出了專家的觀察，分享了現時香港孩子的特徵。

1. 外表早熟，心智遲熟。
　　－完全同意
2. 很喜歡玩，但沒有什麼興趣。
　　－全中，同學每每完成綵排就立刻被其他在課室的「玩具」吸引，每一次過完十五分鐘的小息都會投訴「咁快架」
3. 對大部份事情最普遍的反應是沒有反應。

4. 擅於「看見」，不擅「閱讀」；擅於「收聽」，但從不「理解」。

5. 渴望被注意，但又沒有面對群眾的信心。
　　－同學時常出位，叫「姐姐」，人做他又做，但只有少數同學會主動大聲閱讀英文。
6. 什麼都不在乎、不介懷、不思考、不要求，典型答案是：不知道。
　　－什麼都不在乎，不在乎星星，不在乎禮物。
7. 沒有責任感、沒有自理能力，同時也沒什麼好奇心和慾望。
　　－沒有對自己的要求，沒有努力勤力的心。
8. 不珍惜學習，不嚮往長大，不怕悶，只怕辛苦。
9. 精於計算結果，毫不享受過程。
10. 本性善良，不吃人間煙火，當然也未經任何苦楚及傷害。

如果香港未來的主人翁就是這些孩子，其實也挺擔心。分組比賽，自己組別落後了就說「唔玩喇，都唔好玩既」；自己出位，被減星星，就發脾氣、不理睬；沒有紙巾，就常常依賴別人，平時依賴的人也沒有了，就不知所措，沒有解決問題的能力。

寫於今天 (八月七日)
今天校長真的稱呼他的學生為未來領袖…今天的畢業禮及隨後的索取支票程序令我覺得Access有更大的進步空間… 無論如果，我在完成三個星期的首次教學經驗了！

高興！Kristin, Chris, Jackson, Jenny, June, Karen, Jacqueline,, Wallace, Himhim, Brian, Odo, Martin, I will miss you all...

emotions emotions emotions

I shed a few drops of tears at the bus stop today without any known reasons. What's the most important thing about a team or what's the most important element in a leader? The morale of the team was not extremely high when the program just started and it went down as time went by. But the problematic team members have only been a few. So where is the problem? The leader? I have no answer. A good leader needs to be sensitive, understanding, fair, and trust-worthy. If the leader fails to look at things from another perspective, he/she is basically having a hard time leading the group. I don't know why I feel so sad. Maybe it's a sense of loss and disappointment. I was expecting so much and the returns cannot meet the expectations.

Sigh...

In less than 9 days...

In less than 9 days, I will be flying over the skyscrapers along the Victoria Harbour in Hong Kong and moving in the dim and damp basement in Jeter Hall located at the University of Richmond. I'm excited for this semester after all. I can't wait to start my research on Psychology even though a particular topic has not been assigned to me; I can't wait to start a new GIG with a group of international students with who I will be studying and learning things about Jesus together; I can't wait to witness a new UR tradition to be developed and be one of the developers; I can't wait to be busy again and just enjoy the rewarding feelings after working so hard.

But between this whole new semester and I are a week of AccessHK and a lot of packing. I truly hope that this week of teaching will go as smoothly as it never has been and that the relationships between volunteers and I can become stronger.

Many new resolutions for the new semester... to be continued later.

AccessHK 2010

Tomorrow will be Day 8 of AccessHK. I have been thinking about the truth needs of these kids these days. We teach them English; we show them cartoons; we play games with them; we teach them how to behave appropriately; we lead activities for them; the school gives them English books; the school provides them with breakfast and lunch; but I wonder: are these what they really need? Are we just teaching them the world's definition of success--good English, good communication skills, good manners? I ponder, what can I really do?

Here is what we typically do on a day. Volunteer teachers arrive at school before 9am. By 9:30am, we will need to go to the hall, wait for the students, and lead them to their classrooms. Between 9:45am and 12:30pm, it's lesson time. Each day has a different topic. The first week was Cultures; the second week was Nature; and the third week was Sports. The lesson plan for each day is designed by a different group and each group needs to design approximately 2-3 lesson plans. Lunch time is from 12:30pm to 1:30pm. Starting from 1:30pm, the class either has activities as a big group as two other classes or has activities in its own classroom. Students leave at 4pm.

My class consists of 12 primary 1 students who are mostly 7 to 8 years old. Some of them are pretty bright. Most of them have some naughty moments...

Add oil and get the most out of it LYM! : )

Renewal

今天去了 IGNITE'10短宣感恩分享會。很感動…

雖然我不是學園傳道會的一份子，但今天在CityU與大家坐在同一空 間內，聽著一樣的分享，我覺得自己與這一群有著很多overlapping的connection。我覺得很amazing的是，在海外短宣或是在香港事 奉的你們，把祝福帶給我，讓我可以繼續把祝福帶回美國。

今天羅同工的分享很簡單，卻滿有能力。我相信是他對宣教的著緊、對弟兄姊妹不冷不熱的著急感染了我們。

唱回應詩歌的時候突然發覺…如果我這個暑假沒有回來，我就不會經歷這一切一切。事實是我原本也沒有打算這個暑假回來，因為找不到professor和我做research的關係，我才沒有選擇的回來。

但若果我沒有回來，我的生命內就不會有這個極大極震撼從神而來的更新。
從前常覺得中四中五是靈命最高峰的時期，總是想回到那時候。
但這個暑假遠比那時候更深深的經歷神，就像姊妹那說，神將來的榮耀要比從前的更大。
神要興起一個人，是沒有時間及能力的限制。
從馬來西亞回來後，禱告會、開組、ANHOP、少崇、3之夜、與CC在BONFIRE的一聚、少崇CAMP…一連串的經歷，少了一個整個圖畫都不會make sense…
最 重要的是，1) 神再一次reaffirm我這條道路--到美國讀書屬靈生命resources不會像在香港時候那樣多的道路是衪對我的命定。我不是要繼續的問為什麼，不 是要問why is it so hard，而是以神為中心，繼續親近衪despite the difficulties。2) 衪願意使用我這個不完美的人，並邀請我與衪同工，在衪美好的計劃有份。若果不按著神著你的感動而行，神的計劃就不能依祂的心意完完整整地發生。3) 最重要的…神在這個暑假讓我看到我的心在哪裡，以致我對自己在世界的角色更清楚。　"Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure. You’ve got to find the treasure, so that everything you have learned along the way can make sense. "　因為我看到我的心在哪裡，彷彿一切都make more sense to me now。

暑假前的梁燕鳴是一個對前路看不清，看到什麼attractive的就被distract的人；但在暑假完結的兩星期前，梁燕鳴是一個對前路有希望，很興奮的人，因為我知道神給我的方向，並相信在這條路上神已預備我想像不到的美好給我。

有趣的是，雖然我知道在神的國度內、在世界自己大概的角色是什麼，同時，神也讓我看到自己一些practical的不足。所以，我也會繼續努力！

最後，我想分享兩句自己在這個暑假說且沒法忘記的話…
在 與CC一聚時，沒有時間分享自己這暑假所經歷的…自己竟說了句：「可能幾年後唔洗講你都知。」meaning that after a few years, even if I don't get to see CC and share what I'm experiencing in person, he will still know how I'm experiencing God.
第二句…一個晚上與小學同學一聚，講起為什麼自己很喜歡運動(行山、游水)…最後找到一個答案：「我想鍛鍊下自己，想自己可以捱苦。」
Hope I'm not thinking too much la :P

2010... a renewal year. God, You are so awesome, so powerful, so wonderful, so unexpected... You are the King of Kings. Hallelujah!

願頌讚歸與我們主耶穌基督的父神！他曾照自己的大憐憫，藉著耶穌基督從死裡復活，重生了我們，叫我們有活潑的盼望，可以得著不能朽壞、不能玷污、不能衰殘、為你們存留在天上的基業。你們這因信蒙神能力保守的人，必能得著所預備，到末世要顯現的救恩。因此，你們是大有喜樂；但如今，在百般的試煉中暫時憂愁， 叫你們的信心既被試驗，就比那被火試驗仍然能壞的金子更顯寶貴，可以在耶穌基督顯現的時候得著稱讚、榮耀、尊貴。
彼前1:3-7

當sensei的第一天

在鮮魚行學校走的時候，被一股沉默的孤寂感籠罩
這陣子真的很喜歡這首歌
或許是因為有共鳴？

周柏豪 - 夠鐘
歌手： 周柏豪
作曲： 周國賢
填詞： 馮曦妤
編曲： 周國賢
監製： 陳光榮

像 我這樣　成就或太牽強
而像你這樣　每一位也心癢
清楚　你未暗示我　是我幻想
給我想太多　導致內傷
迷藥快過　回復 正常

夠鐘死心了　當你沉默得高調
當得我歷劫低潮　為何尚要打擾
過幾多通宵　至肯醒覺才願退燒
愛不了　卻 偏走不了　別說笑

沒有感受　靈魂被你拖走
纏在你左右　我乞討等接收
風沙撲面我未怕　為你暴走
驚覺只有沙 　沒有綠洲
還是放棄　無謂獻醜

夠鐘死心了　當你沉默得高調
當得我歷劫低潮　為何尚要騷擾
過幾多通宵　至 肯醒覺才願退燒
愛不了　卻偏走不了　沒救了

一蹶不振的我從今起好應該自量
面對高貴漂亮的扮相
別妄想高攀 得到金獎

何事落到這收場　枯死在你的手上
風花月似戲一場　遺容任你瞻仰
壯觀得誇張　你可會流著淚冥想
最 終你　吐出這一句　別勉強

有時候覺得一個人走的時間真的不好受
或許我高估了自己的獨立
很多時　我還是喜歡有人在自己身邊
搭巴士的時候　驚覺可能畢業後工作的時候就是這樣
九時上班　五時下班　下班獨自搭車
其實我很希望這不會是我以後的日子
希望下班只少有人可以與我談談天　吃晚飯

一個人冒著雨光一座城市
一個背包能裝下多少心事
我閉上眼睛 獨自走過回憶

#很害怕因為自己太過真實
和身邊認識的人背道而馳

可否不與認識的人背道而馳

"Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure. You’ve got to find the treasure, so that everything you have learned along the way can make sense. "　- The Alchemist

其實發覺自己真的幾enjoy教。很喜歡prepare lesson plan的時候要想一起creative的idea/activities…很喜歡看到他們學懂了一些東西。

I think I know where my heart is.

兩年的四季

四季-- Alin

明明是春天我卻感到　絕望
夏天來臨了我還是看不見陽光
秋天的落葉將往事都　埋藏
準備好冬天將你的一切都遺忘
我的愛情　已折斷了翅膀 　
無法繼續飛翔　在風裡飄飄蕩蕩 　
等待天亮　好好大哭一場 　
再讓眼淚風乾　在微笑中　釋放
走過四季　是你給我的力量
當我覺得孤單沮喪害怕　
還依然能堅強
不管四季　如此無情的交替
我已不寂寞　因為你和我曾多麼　快樂

你走了以後日子是否　無恙
是不是有誰代替我　陪在你身旁
你住的城市陽光多麼　燦爛
可曾想起我正一個人　面對孤單
如果沒有你　現在我會在哪裡
過著怎樣的生活　會不會也寂寞
走過四季　是你給我的力量
當我覺得孤單沮喪害怕　
還依然能堅強
不管四季　如此無情的交替
我已不寂寞
祈禱這世界　祝福我們所有一切
因為你和我曾多麼　快樂

其實這首歌對我來說也很貼切
這幾天你經常出現在我的腦海中
星期二特意不睡完成你的生日禮卷
得來的就是一句「Thanks!」
你走了以後日子是否　無恙
不想想你
但卻很想與你分享我正在經歷的一切
什至很想你能夠與我一起經歷
很想告訴你生氣的事
但當我等了又等之後 真正的失望之後
我只想和你保持距離 做一個生疏有禮的朋友
準備好冬天將你的一切都遺忘

回顧四年光陰【二】

2007-2008

第二年 (用番香港計法即係我中七果年) 都仍然係O係New Mexicoo度過。呢年另一一次去第二度就係winter break。去左Boston, New Hampshire, New York, 同 Philadelphia。

呢個假期因為忙著做college application，所以都無乜點周圍睇。
亦都因為咁，去呢D地方都有D想睇下大學…

第一站係去Boston，Boston其實係幾靚，去呢幾個地方最鍾意係Boston！
Chinatown幾多野食！

呢度係Harvard！Harvard環境真係好好…o係Boston不特止，仲要有個Harvard Square，有少少同市中心隔離既感覺，有自己既community，好正！
仲去左MIT…
仲去左咩地方真係唔係好記得，都係shopping之類，無咩特別。

之後我就去左New Hampshire度visit Dartmouth College同friends…果時好想入呢間大學，話晒都係ivy league之一！不過入唔到，都係好事黎既！果度成日都好凍，仲記得去左3日就大感冒，自己o係果度生活都未必開心！

Dartmouth College
番到Boston之後，我又去左Philadelphia度探朋友。
首先visit 左 UPENN。

睇左Liberty Bell
Independence Hall

Penn's Landing

New Year's Eve 仲o係果度睇煙花！


果陣時好想去Longwood Gardens，應該係好靚，不過揸車去都要個幾兩個鐘…所以無去。

Elfreth's Alley 好似話係全美國最舊既街！

呢個假期就咁就去左east coast幾個地方，其實o係New York果時淨係留左幾個鍾就走左。因為趕住搭巴士去Philly…果時周圍去都係靠chinatown d巴士，無車既朋友真係可以諗諗佢！平過amtrak！

To be continued...

回顧四年光陰【一】

今天開始寫我的回顧四年光陰系列！好想capture番過去四年的遊歷。

2006年
2006年的時候開始在美國新墨西哥洲的United World College - USA讀書。
這就是我的學校

當然還有這個Montezuma Castle﹗


因為學校較著重Wilderness，First year的時候已去了Bandelier National Monument！

十月的時候去了Arizona的Grand Canyon大峽谷。站在谷頂睇落去，真係好似假既咁。Grand Canyon真係好靚！好震撼！

學校個town其實叫做Las Vegas，不過唔係NV個Las Vegas，係NM個Las Vegas。
呢個係Christmas既時候，佢有個christmas light parade。呢張相係當時影得最好既一張。　
其實New Mexico真係好rural，出名既地方有NM既capital Santa Fe，同埋有機場既Albuquerque。我兩個地方都去左幾次…不過特別野就真係無乜。

呢年聖誕假既時候我去左隔離洲Texas既Houston。果個假期真係不太開心…個friend除左帶我地既shopping之外，差唔多日日都係番o係屋企玩電腦。所以印象中就只有好大既galleria (shopping mall)。

3月既時候係學校既project week。我就去左聖地牙哥San Diego，係一個marine biological trip。好鍾意San Diego！好靚！

我地stay既地方係一個camp site，落條樓梯就係沙灘。好靚，個沙灘真係一望無盡，同埋好長同窄，到而家都記得！
我地去左Birch Aquarium
San Diego Zoo。

呢個好得意既outdoor mall我又唔記得左叫咩名…

San Diego最值得去既就係Balboa Park！入面真係好靚，有好多博物館同埋花園。

之後我地仲去左唔知邊度睇Sea lion。

Sea World亦都係非去不可啦！
最後5月既時候去埋Ghost Ranch行山。仲記得呢個trip勁驚險！好刺激，仲有d位要rock climbing咁上山！
我o係美國既第一次就去左New Mexico, Texas, Arizona喇！

而家好掛住成日o係美國行山既日子！

Keep Reading

這個暑假其實看了不少書…
已看完的有：
- The Alchemist (again)
- Prida
- 如果明白神的旨意
- 如果明白神的旨意 - 豈有此理
- The Five People You Met in Heaven

好想可以在回去美國之前看完HINSON給我的生日禮物及更多…

再上路。

One more...

唔知點解又想開多個BLOG！痴左線咁…我應該已經有6、7個BLOGS…哈哈
ANYWAY，今次呢個係想…真係寫野的，特別係旅行D野﹗: )

黎緊我將會順次序寫番我呢4年去左D咩地方﹗Stay tuned! :D