I feel like I am totally by myself. And this is one of those times. Again and again. I keep thinking... if there's anyone I can go to. I can't really think of anyone. I thought about... the last time when I cried in the presence of someone, when I could get some advice from someone, and when I could cry on someone's shoulder without worrying about anything. I can't really think of such a time. And then I remember my prayer to You, at the very beginning, in which I prayed that I would learn to be a leader directly from You. And I thought about Moses and Alan. Even God gave Alan to Moses as a companion, when Moses went up to the mountain to see God for the 10 commandments, Moses returned only to find out that Alan created the gold calf together with the Israelite.
I know all of these. But I just pray that You let me see You. You let me see that You are with me and that You know that I shred tears and You count them.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Saturday, September 25, 2010
6 Months Later...
Half a year ago, I sat here and wrote the note "It goes on and on, it goes beyond time." Half a year later, I am sitting at the same place, Ellwood's Coffee, writing a blog, however, with a complete different attitude.
Although I've mentioned for a thousand times in the past entries, I still think that God is challenging me what faith is. I did not go to Area10 one Sunday because I went to Intervarsity fall retreat. So I listened to it again last Saturday while I was on duty and I still remember what Chris, the pastor, said about the sailboat. He said, the sailboat may be the safest at the dock, however, it is not at where it is meant to be. A sailboat is supposed to go into the ocean and have a journey. The same for us. We are not supposed to get stuck here and go nowhere. We are supposed to have our own journeys, walk our paths, and write our stories. I went to a Chinese church last Sunday and the sermon was about Abraham and how Abraham is the father of faith and that he took a big step in being willing to sacrifice his only son.
For the mean time, I got a message from my friend saying that she's dissatisfied with her life and that she wants to do something different. On the same day, I watched a movie called The Fair Trade Movie, featuring a young woman whose boyfriend was killed in a car accident and ever since, her life was changed. It's about how she got interested in Fair Trade and started to have an impact on people in different parts of the world. In the movie, it says:
Extraordinary.
Although I've mentioned for a thousand times in the past entries, I still think that God is challenging me what faith is. I did not go to Area10 one Sunday because I went to Intervarsity fall retreat. So I listened to it again last Saturday while I was on duty and I still remember what Chris, the pastor, said about the sailboat. He said, the sailboat may be the safest at the dock, however, it is not at where it is meant to be. A sailboat is supposed to go into the ocean and have a journey. The same for us. We are not supposed to get stuck here and go nowhere. We are supposed to have our own journeys, walk our paths, and write our stories. I went to a Chinese church last Sunday and the sermon was about Abraham and how Abraham is the father of faith and that he took a big step in being willing to sacrifice his only son.
For the mean time, I got a message from my friend saying that she's dissatisfied with her life and that she wants to do something different. On the same day, I watched a movie called The Fair Trade Movie, featuring a young woman whose boyfriend was killed in a car accident and ever since, her life was changed. It's about how she got interested in Fair Trade and started to have an impact on people in different parts of the world. In the movie, it says:
"Movements are not fueled by ideas. Movements come from individual sufferings and sacrifices."It may sound too serious for a quotation. However, I am indeed deeply moved by this quote. Oh Lord, I am scared. I am scared of where You are going to lead me to. Just like Moses, I do not think I am competent to do such a job. But God, when I see the path You are constantly pointing to me, I just pray that You will give me the strength and faith that I need to take this leap of faith. I pray that when time is appropriate, You will give me my life companion on earth. I pray that You will continue to give me honesty and a genuine heart in life. God, I give You all I have.
My heart, my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out, O my soul cries out
Extraordinary.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
21 Qualities of Leaders
1. Character: foundation of leadership
Leadership is to bring out the ability and willpower of people towards a common goal. It can trigger self-confidence from people.
2. Charisma: First impression can affect overall situation
How to develop one’s charisma? To actively help others and to affirm oneself instead of eagerly asking others to affirm you.
3. Commitment: difference between dreamer and doer
People do not follow indecisive leaders. One’s commitment level can be shown from many things: your working hours, your determination to improve, your sacrifice for people whom you serve...etc.
4. Communication: you’d only be walking by yourself by you lack it
Leaders need to transform their knowledge and vision into enthusiasm and passion in order to pass them on to others. If a leader cannot clearly spread the message and encourage others to join, the message is useless.
5. Competence: people will follow you if you have it
Competence is beyond the level of words. It is the leader’s ability to communicate, plan and execute so that others can trust your leadership and are willing to follow you.
6. Courage: one who is courageous is better than many
An important virtue of men is courage, because it can fuel other virtues during times of difficulties.
7. Discernment: no mystery unsolved
Smart leaders only believe half of what they hear; only discerning leaders know which half to believe in.
8. Focus: the clearer you focus, the less confused you will be
What people say, what people do and what people say they’ll do can be completely unrelated.
9. Generosity: if your candles can light up other candles, then it’ll burn forever
Nobody obtains honour for getting things. Honour is a reward for giving.
10. Initiative: don’t leave home if you don’t bring it with you
Success is impossible without actions. Successful people continuously engage in something. Although they make mistakes at times, they never quit.
11. Listening: to win others’ heart, please use your ears
A good leader always encourages others to voice what she/he needs to know, not what she/he wants to hear.
12. Passion: One life only, use it fully
If one doesn’t love his job, there will not be success.
13. Positive attitude: if you believe in yourself, you will be able to achieve
In this generation, our biggest discovery is that we can change out attitude to change our lives.
14. Problem-solving: don’t let your difficulties stumble you.
You can evaluate the ability of a leader by the magnitude of the problems she/he handles. We usually choose to resolve issues that we can manage.
15. Relationships: if you are easy-going, people are more willing to follow you.
One important tip to success is to know how to live with others.
16. Initiative: don’t leave home if you don’t bring it with you
Success is impossible without actions. Successful people continuously engage in something. Although they make mistakes at times, they never quit.
17. Security: Even very able person cannot live without it.
If one only wishes oneself to succeed and to take all credits, one can never be an outstanding leader. She/he cannot provide a sense of security to the others. She/he will restrict brilliant people and limit potential development of the organisation.
18. Self-discipline: before leading, learn self-discipline
Talents without self-discipline are like an octopus wearing ice-skates. There are nonstop movements, but it is unclear whether the octopus is moving forward, moving backward or spinning.
19. Servanthood: if you want to stand before men, remain behind them at first
True leaders serve the others and consider the benefits of the others. Although they may be unwelcome or unappreciated at times, they don’t mind. It is because true leaders treat others with passion instead of being driven by self-glorification. They are willing to sacrifice themselves for others.
20. Teachability: nonstop leading, nonstop learning
The time you spend to listen and to read should be ten times as much as the amount of time you use to talk. This attitude will ensure your continual learning and growth.
21. Vision: you can only grasp what you see
To own the future is to firmly hold onto opportunities before they manifest fully.
References:
約 翰．麥斯威爾著，徐顯光譯 (2000)﹕《天生領袖─領導21特質》。台北：道聲出版社。
Maxwell, John C. (1999). The 21 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader: Becoming the Person Others Will Want to Follow. Nashville, Tenn: Thomas Nelson Publishers.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Let Your love and Your love only embrace me.
Last week, I was asking what faith was. During the past week, I found the answer. Faith is when you believe it will be okay if you just try your best and try not to worry; faith is when you keep praying for what you really hope to see happen; faith is when you step outside of your comfort zone and see what it's like. God has let me see that when I put my faith on Him, He works miracles. Like my professor in PSYC 444. Today, I got my first paper back, with a 4.5/5 (Yes!). I had my first GIG tonight. It was AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME! Thank you God for providing such a wonderful family for us. Thank you God for bringing this group of 3 girls to us. They are simply perfect matches. I pray that we, our GIG, will come to a personal understanding of what faith is.
P.S. I have been feeling a big urge to pray for you recently.
"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." Hebrews 11:6Following faith, it seems that God is asking me what Love is. What is love? I am still struck by what Andy said last night. God, I pray that You replace my heart with Your heart, help me pass on Your love that has been given to me, and be a good testimony in front of others. God, You know so well that what I want and what I yearn for. I pray that let You alone be my yearning and may Your presence and Your Holy Spirit be my biggest satisfaction.
P.S. I have been feeling a big urge to pray for you recently.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Overrated
God is moving in a speed that I can never imagine. Each and every day, I am encountering new things that I have never imagined. As I mentioned before, I feel like God have been challenging my faith constantly recently. This week, God has opened my eyes to see that when I have faith and do my best, God will do the rest. The first encounter was the experience with YY as mentioned in the previous blog. The second one was on Sunday while I was doing RA duty. I was a bit sad and so stressed because of work. I couldn't concentrate at all so I started praying. After the prayer, I went to buy something from the vending machine. Originally, I wanted Twix but for some reasons, the machine wouldn't let me get it. I tried three times and still failed although there were more than 3 Twix in the machine. So I went for Snicker instead. But the vending machine not only gave me the Snicker, but also M&M's! And I just felt like God was speaking to me at that time, telling me that what I want is not always what He's giving me, no matter how available it is. If I surrender and receive what He gives me, there's going to be a bonus. What surprised me was that, I tried 3 times getting Twix. I see how stubborn I am now... And I thought of this verse: Matthew 7:9-10. '9"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?' This is important because all those 3 things are all chocolates. While I wanted chocolate, God did not give me potato chips or biscuits. He KNOWS what I want.
The third encounter was this Monday. First of all, I have been worrying about my PSYC 444 class because obviously, it's an upper-level class and I'm the only Junior in this class. The readings are intense and the writing criteria are somewhat demanding. More importantly, the professor of this class is my advisor as well as the professor that I am doing research with. Therefore, I cannot mess up this class. I was worried because for a small senior seminar class that only has 8 people, it means that you need to speak up a lot. However, for the first 'discussion' class, I was able to say some good points and the professor was like, "very good! :D" Later on the day, I was a bit upset because I felt like the professor doesn't like me. She was rather cold when she said "well, I will see you in the afternoon," while she glared at my dress. Later in the afternoon, I had a meeting with her because I needed to ask some questions on the grant proposal that I am writing. At the end of the meeting, she said, "I'm really impressed by how quickly you are catching up with all the work that's going on in our lab." WAHOO! At that time, I just felt like it's unbelievable. God has showed me that when I do my best and have faith, He's always here.
The thing today was just ridiculous. Someone approached me on Facebook and asked me to be her Cal I tutor. She said a few people recommended me and said I was really good. At that time, my first feeling was... "Oh, I'm so overrated." Seriously. Because there have been definitely times when I just didn't know the answers or didn't know how to solve the problems. But anyway, I accepted this offer.
However, one very very important thing is that... the closer I am with God, the more destructive the spiritual war is. Believe it or not, the war is GOING ON. I just knew yesterday that my brother has gotten really sick for several days. I swear this has never happened before. And why now? We, as soldiers who fight in the front, really need protection. May we all function properly in our designated position by God and be one body.
God, I trust you. I put my faith in you.
The third encounter was this Monday. First of all, I have been worrying about my PSYC 444 class because obviously, it's an upper-level class and I'm the only Junior in this class. The readings are intense and the writing criteria are somewhat demanding. More importantly, the professor of this class is my advisor as well as the professor that I am doing research with. Therefore, I cannot mess up this class. I was worried because for a small senior seminar class that only has 8 people, it means that you need to speak up a lot. However, for the first 'discussion' class, I was able to say some good points and the professor was like, "very good! :D" Later on the day, I was a bit upset because I felt like the professor doesn't like me. She was rather cold when she said "well, I will see you in the afternoon," while she glared at my dress. Later in the afternoon, I had a meeting with her because I needed to ask some questions on the grant proposal that I am writing. At the end of the meeting, she said, "I'm really impressed by how quickly you are catching up with all the work that's going on in our lab." WAHOO! At that time, I just felt like it's unbelievable. God has showed me that when I do my best and have faith, He's always here.
The thing today was just ridiculous. Someone approached me on Facebook and asked me to be her Cal I tutor. She said a few people recommended me and said I was really good. At that time, my first feeling was... "Oh, I'm so overrated." Seriously. Because there have been definitely times when I just didn't know the answers or didn't know how to solve the problems. But anyway, I accepted this offer.
However, one very very important thing is that... the closer I am with God, the more destructive the spiritual war is. Believe it or not, the war is GOING ON. I just knew yesterday that my brother has gotten really sick for several days. I swear this has never happened before. And why now? We, as soldiers who fight in the front, really need protection. May we all function properly in our designated position by God and be one body.
God, I trust you. I put my faith in you.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
So far away, yet so seemingly Close
http://hk.news.yahoo.com/article/100903/23/k1ft.html
The Hong Kong tourists held hostages in the Philippines incident is still fresh on press. The news range from encouragement for Jason, a teenager that was severely injured and is now in a coma, to the revelation of more of the irresponsible handling from the Philippines government. To me, death is a concept that is so far away, yet so seemingly close, especially after the incident of the Malone sisters from UR this summer. It is still a concept for me because it has not been one of my personal experiences, which I am very thankful for.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=othmFqaw0Yk&feature=related
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wondering heart.
Not because of who I am.
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done.
But because of who you are.
Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord you catch me when I'm falling,
And you told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.
Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again
Who am I?
That the voice that calm the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.
Not because of who I am.
But because what of youve done.
Not because of what I've done.
But because of who you are.
Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord you catch me when I'm falling,
And you told me who I am.
I am yours.
Not because of who I am.
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done.
But because of who you are.
Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord you catch me when I'm falling,
You told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.
Whom shall I fear?
Whom shall I fear?
'Cuz I am yours.
I am yours.
Deeply touched by this song. This week, God constantly reminds me that I should put my faith in Him. It seems that I need to re-learn what faith is again. What is faith really?
The Hong Kong tourists held hostages in the Philippines incident is still fresh on press. The news range from encouragement for Jason, a teenager that was severely injured and is now in a coma, to the revelation of more of the irresponsible handling from the Philippines government. To me, death is a concept that is so far away, yet so seemingly close, especially after the incident of the Malone sisters from UR this summer. It is still a concept for me because it has not been one of my personal experiences, which I am very thankful for.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=othmFqaw0Yk&feature=related
Casting Crowns - Who Am I Lyrics
Who am I?
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wondering heart.
Not because of who I am.
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done.
But because of who you are.
Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord you catch me when I'm falling,
And you told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.
Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again
Who am I?
That the voice that calm the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.
Not because of who I am.
But because what of youve done.
Not because of what I've done.
But because of who you are.
Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord you catch me when I'm falling,
And you told me who I am.
I am yours.
Not because of who I am.
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done.
But because of who you are.
Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord you catch me when I'm falling,
You told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.
Whom shall I fear?
Whom shall I fear?
'Cuz I am yours.
I am yours.
Deeply touched by this song. This week, God constantly reminds me that I should put my faith in Him. It seems that I need to re-learn what faith is again. What is faith really?
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1
I feel like everything that I am facing now is a test of faith for me. The first one is definitely I-Month. Do I have faith in God that He can train me to be a good leader in front of all these amazing people that I am going to work with? Do I have faith that this will be a success? The second one would be with IV. Do I have faith that... when I step in this circle, I will be blessed by these people? I need to admit that each encounter with IV people is out of my comfort zone. Do I have faith in these people that I will be working with? Third one. GIG. Faith. God, show me what faith is. I know God has shown me once already. This week, a girl named YY has been constantly in my heart as a potential invitee to GIG. She's in my anthro class. On Saturday, she came to badminton practice and she was wearing a shirt with a bible verse on it. I asked if she's a Christian and she said yes. I asked if she would be interested in joining GIG and she said yes! That was my first interaction with her. Praise be to the Lord!
What is faith?
What is faith?
Friday, September 3, 2010
How He Loves Us
How He Loves Us - David Crowder
He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.
And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/how-he-loves-lyrics-david-crowder.html ]
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves.
We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.
And Heaven meets earth like an unforseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don't have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way
God, touch me every day, speak to me every day, open my heart every day. Sometimes, I wish I didn't need to make any decisions at all. However, that's always not the case. Small Group, Fall Retreat, Rugged Reflection... why am I bothered by these small things? Why? God, I need you, so much.
He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.
And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/how-he-loves-lyrics-david-crowder.html ]
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves.
We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.
And Heaven meets earth like an unforseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don't have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way
God, touch me every day, speak to me every day, open my heart every day. Sometimes, I wish I didn't need to make any decisions at all. However, that's always not the case. Small Group, Fall Retreat, Rugged Reflection... why am I bothered by these small things? Why? God, I need you, so much.
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