Be a Good Soldier

"You then, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others. Endure hardship with us like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No one serving as a soldier gets involved in civilian affairs-he wants to please his commanding officer." 2 Timothy 2:1-4

A lot of ups and downs has happened during this first week of classes. Underestimated the amount of business I need to take care of, I must admit that I feel a bit overwhelmed. However, I have been constantly reminded by the Holy Spirit that I am 1) a student and 2) an RA; and for this semester, I am responsible for 1) leading a GIG targeting on Chinese students and 2) organizing International Month. These are arranged in the order of importance.

There were some small incidents throughout the week. For example, on Wednesday night, I felt so deep in desperation that I needed a companion to walk with me along this path. The next day, when I shared this thought with one of my best friends here, she responded that she has been wanting to tell me that she wants to take a bigger role in International Month and that she wants to walk with me. God answers prayers. Another incident is that, when I was praying for GIG, I was deeply touched by this song, 我高舉雙手.

我攤開我的雙手 想要給你什麼 卻一無所有
我獻上我的身體 想要報答你什麼 可是卻虧欠你那麼多
主你卻用你溫柔雙手 抬起我的頭 輕輕對我說 你恩典夠我用
我高舉雙手 觸摸你的手 倒空生命 只願愛你更多
我高舉雙手 願觸摸你的手 定睛仰望十架 成我力量

What can we give to Jesus when we do not have anything?
What can we sacrifice to Jesus when we owe Him so much?
However, He does not care how inadequate we are. All He wants is that we make THE choice and walk with Him in our life. All He wants is that we put aside our personal needs and regard following Him as the most important thing in life. Throughout this week, God has been reminding me to be a good soldier in Him, have a pure heart, and live a transparent life in front of others.

Throughout the week, I have been wondering... what can I do for all the people around me who I come into contact with every day? There are so many of them; there are so many people who I know and would say hi to but would never exchange more than 2 sentences. What can I do? Is it worth it to have those people as 'friends' on Facebook? What does it mean when we know like 2,000 people in our life but we never really interact them? The answer is that... I do not know. But I believe, God put us here for a reason. And that He has planned out the best for us.

Add oil, let us all stand up and fight for the Kingdom of God!

This hidden emotion always overwhelms me.

Thinking that tomorrow is the last day of my week lightens up my mood a little bit; however, it still does not give me enough energy to study for my Japanese quiz tomorrow. This week, I have been constantly reminded of what true kindness is. "The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith." (1 Timothy 1:5) "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." (Colossians 3:12) It is hard to do this kindness sometimes. However, I have found myself trying to change these days, trying to be nicer, trying to love more. I know that I am doing this for Christ, nonetheless, I feel the hollowness inside me.

Today, I heard an interesting comment about me, a comment that I've never heard before actually. One of my best friends here said to her boyfriend, "I'm so impressed by Shirley! She is really changing the University of Richmond and doing what she's passionate about. I admire her so much!" Something similar. I know that I enjoy bringing people together and organizing events. That's also where I can my satisfaction. However, as these things progress, especially after the large planning meeting on Tuesday night, I started to feel a sense of emptiness and loneliness inside me. Somehow, I really wish there's someone who shares the same vision as mine, who can walk with me along the way, who I can seek help from and pray together about everything, who I can count on as my partner. I wish that I can find someone to do International Month and GIG with me. I wish there is someone who I can share every piece of frustration and happiness with.

God, be my friend.

Lost in Opportunities

These first two days of school have been extremely exhausting for me. As a third-year student, my classes have become more difficult, intensive, interactive, and time-consuming. This semester, I am taking PSYC 444 Clinical Case Studies and Psychology Research. Both classes have to do a lot with cognitive neuroscience, the study of brain functions, and studying patients with brain damages. I think I have gotten a bit lost amidst all the brains. I begin to think, what all these have to do with my future if I want to be a teacher. I start to think if this is really what I want to do. I need to admit that I am a bit lost. I do realize that the scientific foundation of this subject gives me security. In my opinion, this is science because we are studying the brain. We are trying to understand something concrete, instead of something abstract, like emotions. It suits me in a sense that I am a logical person. But... still, I am a little bit lost.

This semester will be particularly busy for me as I will be preparing for the first annual International Month here at U of R. This has been very exciting because we had a planning meeting today and over 40 people showed up with ideas and suggestions. I know that I am leaving a mark here in this school, changing the school culture, and promoting diversity which is something I am passionate about.

At the same time, I have been hearing great things about GIGs. I pray that God will provide the right partner for me, the right people in the group, and the right time for everyone.

I pray that for every step I take, I do it with God. I pray that God gives me more courage and strength to go through each day with joy and energy. I pray that God grant me sensitive ears so that I am able to converse with Him every day at any time.

Superwoman

I began to realize that my physical strength has grown significantly. One of my unspoken principles in life is that I do whatever I can according to my ability, meaning that if I think I have the ability to finish this task, I will try finishing it by myself before I seek help. These tasks include physical tasks, such as moving in. Today, I helped one of my residents carry 4 cinder blocks from the storage room in the basement to her room on the second floor. And then we raised her bed together. 15 minutes later, I got a call saying that she needed to put one huge box and a printer in Yan Lin's room, although Yan Lin herself has not come back on campus yet. Therefore, as a matter of fact, I did a lot of physical-demanding tasks that I do not necessarily need to do.

During RA training, we had to complete our high rope course. I managed to climb the pole and jump. That was the first task. The second task was to climb the tower, which I already accomplished last year. Despite the sickness I felt on that day, I accomplished such a task again. I told my brother and his response was, "Surely you can dinish them la, you are so strong." Most of my close friends probably think that I am a strong person. However, this statement coming out from my brother actually means a lot to me. I guess part of it is the fact that a male who is 6 years older than I am thinks that I am strong. Then, I guess I must be pretty strong. Part of it is the realization that I am no longer a little girl in his eyes.

To me, being strong is a significant part of being a woman. Women should not be weak and submissive. And I'm glad that I am part of this movement.

Back to the Bubble

I have been back for almost a week already. For this past week, what I did was... unpacking, going to workshops and talks for Resident Assistant training, doing door decorations, doing bulletin boards, mingling with my staff, blowing my nose for a thousand times a day, and coughing. The whole week has not been so great because of the tight schedule and the heat. Nonetheless, I managed to make it till today and there's only a few more days left for training.

Going through what I went through the same time last year is a bit not fun. But throughout this process, I did challenge myself and wanted to push myself out of my comfort zone a bit. I tried to be more engaging and add more to the conversations. I tried to meet some new people and I did. For the High Rope course, I managed to climb both the the tasks we needed to do although the first one was really scary and I was a bit sick when I was doing the second one. I managed to finish them. One thing that I really want to achieve this year is to build a personal relationship with each of my residents. This is hard but I will give it a try. And also to be a good leader is like being who you are. You cannot put on a 'good leader' face.

While I'm far away in the land of America, much is happening in HK. I saw so much on Facebook concerning the leader of AccessHK. I saw that people defriended him on Facebook and started saying bad things about him on Facebook. I heard that people are going to write a complaint letter to the council so that he can get the consequences he deserves. To be honest, I do not know much about all these. I do not even know what he did to others that made them so angry and so agitated about him. But the whole issue is just sad. I wonder how he feels if he knows about all these. I'm glad that I'm out of the whole issue and as an outsider, maybe I can see more clearly. But honestly, I do not have a say and I do not mind that I don't.

I can foresee how busy I will be during this semester already. I just hope that I can make it through without forgetting what my first priority is. God, I put my faith in You and put everything in Your hands.

未來領袖

寫於昨天 (八月六日)

這幾天千頭萬緒…明天，我就會正式與鮮魚行學校說再見。今天總綵排的時候，自己也有少少緊張，最後他們的表演也挺好！見著五年級的同學，叫起了校長在通訊所說的。

昨天偶然在見到鮮魚行學校校長的通訊，說到這些小學生是未來領袖。校長也引出了專家的觀察，分享了現時香港孩子的特徵。

1. 外表早熟，心智遲熟。
　　－完全同意
2. 很喜歡玩，但沒有什麼興趣。
　　－全中，同學每每完成綵排就立刻被其他在課室的「玩具」吸引，每一次過完十五分鐘的小息都會投訴「咁快架」
3. 對大部份事情最普遍的反應是沒有反應。

4. 擅於「看見」，不擅「閱讀」；擅於「收聽」，但從不「理解」。

5. 渴望被注意，但又沒有面對群眾的信心。
　　－同學時常出位，叫「姐姐」，人做他又做，但只有少數同學會主動大聲閱讀英文。
6. 什麼都不在乎、不介懷、不思考、不要求，典型答案是：不知道。
　　－什麼都不在乎，不在乎星星，不在乎禮物。
7. 沒有責任感、沒有自理能力，同時也沒什麼好奇心和慾望。
　　－沒有對自己的要求，沒有努力勤力的心。
8. 不珍惜學習，不嚮往長大，不怕悶，只怕辛苦。
9. 精於計算結果，毫不享受過程。
10. 本性善良，不吃人間煙火，當然也未經任何苦楚及傷害。

如果香港未來的主人翁就是這些孩子，其實也挺擔心。分組比賽，自己組別落後了就說「唔玩喇，都唔好玩既」；自己出位，被減星星，就發脾氣、不理睬；沒有紙巾，就常常依賴別人，平時依賴的人也沒有了，就不知所措，沒有解決問題的能力。

寫於今天 (八月七日)
今天校長真的稱呼他的學生為未來領袖…今天的畢業禮及隨後的索取支票程序令我覺得Access有更大的進步空間… 無論如果，我在完成三個星期的首次教學經驗了！

高興！Kristin, Chris, Jackson, Jenny, June, Karen, Jacqueline,, Wallace, Himhim, Brian, Odo, Martin, I will miss you all...

emotions emotions emotions

I shed a few drops of tears at the bus stop today without any known reasons. What's the most important thing about a team or what's the most important element in a leader? The morale of the team was not extremely high when the program just started and it went down as time went by. But the problematic team members have only been a few. So where is the problem? The leader? I have no answer. A good leader needs to be sensitive, understanding, fair, and trust-worthy. If the leader fails to look at things from another perspective, he/she is basically having a hard time leading the group. I don't know why I feel so sad. Maybe it's a sense of loss and disappointment. I was expecting so much and the returns cannot meet the expectations.

Sigh...

In less than 9 days...

In less than 9 days, I will be flying over the skyscrapers along the Victoria Harbour in Hong Kong and moving in the dim and damp basement in Jeter Hall located at the University of Richmond. I'm excited for this semester after all. I can't wait to start my research on Psychology even though a particular topic has not been assigned to me; I can't wait to start a new GIG with a group of international students with who I will be studying and learning things about Jesus together; I can't wait to witness a new UR tradition to be developed and be one of the developers; I can't wait to be busy again and just enjoy the rewarding feelings after working so hard.

But between this whole new semester and I are a week of AccessHK and a lot of packing. I truly hope that this week of teaching will go as smoothly as it never has been and that the relationships between volunteers and I can become stronger.

Many new resolutions for the new semester... to be continued later.