第二次談夢想

踏進電影院前，我對這套電影毫無頭緒；踏出電影院後，我差點兒在說「其實我覺得這電影很好看。」的時候掉下眼淚。

Trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJl3ZBVGAoM

《街舞狂潮》有兩條主線：一條追蹤三十多歲亞倫的故事，另一條描述八位年輕人組成的舞蹈隊伍－UNDERGRADU-EIGHT。兩條線的共同主角是台灣及舞蹈。直到電視的中段，我還是比較喜歡UNDERGRADU-EIGHT的情節，因為那些人跟自己年紀相約，共鳴大一點。最深刻的是當他們知道自己在比賽勝出的那一刻，鏡頭跟著他們跑上台領獎的那幾秒，我覺得很入心、很感動。

但意料之外，這套電影的精髓在中段後開始，當亞倫及B-BOY到巴黎比賽的時候，電影的高潮也開始了。亞倫把這個巴黎的街舞比賽比喻為奧運，參加奧運是人生的一個里程碑。那時我想：我所追求的熱情的「奧運」是什麼？亞倫及B-BOY輸了巴黎的比賽，亞倫也開始懷疑自己是不是應該繼續在這條路上走下去，是不是應該繼續跳舞，還是向現實低頭？有幾幕是亞倫在懷疑的，那時候，我覺得整個電影院的人心裡都想著：夢想是不是真的不能實現的？當然，最後亞倫沒有放棄，繼續的跳，然後他說了一句：

「若你不繼續走下去，那扇門是不會開的。」

我覺得《街舞狂潮》頗真實地描繪出追求夢想實現的掙扎。我想那一種走到半路，不知道究竟這條路是否值得自己繼續花時間、花心機、花金錢的懷疑是每個人都會經歷的。關鍵是什麼呢？對我而言，是信心及付代價的心。亞倫的信心是對自己、對舞蹈、對熱愛舞蹈者的信心；對自己的信心對我來說是其次，首要的是對神的信心：這信心是相信當我以衪為首，活出一個以衪為領導者的生命時，我的夢想將會以衪認為最好、最適合我的方式實現。付化價的心…容許我引用電影的宣傳語：「你可以為這個夢想付出多少，如果沒有奮力一搏，其實就不叫作夢想...」我想起Gladwell在Outliers提出的10,000 hours rule。他提出成為一個成功的人在一個特定的工作上要花上大約10, 000小時，一萬個小時大約相等於十年每星期工作二十小時。他提出的例子包括The Beatles及Bill Gate。

當你在現實中追求你的夢想時，它將是不斷增加你生命力、活力、塑造力及創作力的泉源。

最後，我想以一首詩結束。很巧合地，這首詩也是我看一個跳舞表演是認識的。

"All people dream, but not equally
Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their mind,
Wake in the morning to find that it was vanity.

But dreamers of the day are dangerous people,
For they dream their dreams with open eyes,
And make them come true."

From Dreams by D. H. Lawrence

不變的道理

Finished reading Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom. The followings are the quotes that I connect to and touch my heart.

"I had become too wrapped up in the siren song of my own life. I was busy."

"So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning."

"Without love, we are birds with broken wings."

"The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in."

I agree and I also think that the difficult part is to let love come in. To let love come in means that you acknowledge that you deserve this love and you are worthy of love. To come to this acknowledgment, you need to first love yourself and be aware of your very own presence in the world. To me, it means appreciating your own presence in this world, thinking that having someone like you on Earth is a beautiful thing. I remember I came to this acknowledgment a few years ago, after I graduated from UWC. That was a beautiful thing.

這個星期忙於與朋友見面、食飯…(同我食飯要至少提早十日book架，真係好LD)其實真的挺累的…因為食一餐不但個口要狂運動，個腦都要不斷咁process人地講緊d咩同自己想講咩架嘛。anyway…但每一餐飯其實我都好享受的，每一天我也覺得自己很被祝福。當中，很深刻的是CP說的"Love is a decision."

當然，有很多context都可以不是。但…對於對教會的愛，我覺得是一個決定。
有時候，這種愛真的很paradoxical，因為教會也是人的地方，一個不完美的地方，但偏偏因為教會的majority是基督徒的時候，就會讓人有更高的期望，看到不完美的地方，有些人選擇繼續去愛，有些人選擇去尋找一個"比較好"的教會而去愛。

唔知呢，是不是我份人比較重情念舊？是不是我比較感情用事？其實我…真係好想見到每一個都番黎。唔知會唔會有呢日呢？

Love this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9xthLlCrHYU&feature=related
Went to Tai Po for cycling today. So so so so nice. Thanks very much Vicky and Michael! :-) I really loved the time when I was biking on a flat road by myself feeling the breeze. Tai Po brings back old memories. Sometimes, I wonder how it would be like if you and I are still together. But who knew that I was going to the US and you were going to Prague? And I think the song above actually speaks well for our anticipated ending in my opinion:

我和你手牽手　說要一起走到最後
我們都忘了　這條路走了多久
心中是清楚的有一天
有一天都會停的　讓時間說真話

Biking made me so happy! :-)

A New Beginning - Project Little Dream 2010

Sunset in Takeo, Cambodia

As many of you knew, I went on a 22-day trip to Cambodia with a Hong Kong organization called Project Little Dream (PLD http://www.littledream.org/). There were two main focuses of this trip: 1) to build bathrooms for the school that PLD constructed in Prey Run Village in 2009 Christmas; 2) to construct a new school in Kh'na Rong Village.

During these 22 days, I was placed in Kh'na Rong Village to construct the new school with other volunteers. For more details, you can refer to my Facebook albums:
Period 1 (Dec 17-Dec 28) http://www.facebook.com/album.php?id=1629180039&aid=58329
Period 2 (Dec 28-Jan7) http://www.facebook.com/album.php?id=1629180039&aid=58356

The aim of this note is not to recall what I did in Cambodia but to share with you my heartfelt feelings.

My first very deep feeling hit me on Dec 22 when I was teaching in the school in Prey Run Village. At the end of class, Tim, the local teacher, asked the students to sing "You Are My Sunshine" to us, the volunteer teachers. Listening to and looking at 175 Cambodian children sitting in a wooden school and singing in front of you was overwhelming. It was a humbling experience to me. My instant thought was: who am I that I deserve all these children singing "You Are My Sunshine" to me? The truth is, I have done nothing to these children. I did not know who they were, not even their names. But they made me flowers, gave me hand drawings, made me rings and crowns, and helped me in many ways. The more they showed me my importance, the more undeserving I felt.

This feeling was similar to how I felt when I went to S21 and Killing Field in Phnom Penh on our Free Day. (Every volunteer got one day off during the 11-day volunteering period. Most of us chose to go to Phnom Penh, the capital of Cambodia, for sightseeing.) All the pictures showed the brutality and indifference during Khmer Rouge (for more details: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Khmer_Rouge). Millions of lives were put to torture and death during that time. I couldn't help but kept echoing the question when I was looking at the exhibition: Why? Why? Why? Why? I guess my deepest question was: Why do we have a complete different life than those who lived in Cambodia during the 70s? What spared us from all these torture? Is it just pure fortune? And of course, there is no answer to these questions. But I've learned that each person bears a personal story for life. Every one of us has to live our own story. And the only thing we can do is not to be crushed by obstacles and trials but to live out our personal story beautifully.

Another important thing that I did during the trip was that I finally articulated what my dream is. As a Christian, I've always believed that apart from the ultimate purpose of life which is to have an intimate relationship with God, God placed me on Earth for a purpose. This purpose is personal to me and is specific to me. I'm aware that I'm always concerned for people who lost love, faith, and hope or people who think that life is pointless. In this trip, during a photo sharing session when everyone was sharing his/her dream, I also articulated what my dream is. My dream is to encourage and help other people to make their dreams come true. This is my driving force for life. I find this in line with many of the causes that I am concerned about as well as the kinds of people that I feel like I am called to serve.

The last thing I want to share with you is that I'm so grateful that I met a lot of inspiring good friends who have similar values in life. I treasure all the time that I spent talking about life, happiness, views on money, relationships, and many other topics with them. They will be my friends for life and I am so grateful that we shared all these wonderful memories in Cambodia.

All the things that I shared above happened so unexpectedly to me. To be honest, I did not know what I should expect before I went on the trip. But this 22-day experience certainly gave me more than what I expected. I also challenge you to find a period of time during which you give up your iPhone, Internet, and many others to find out more about another community and a little bit more about yourself.

Last but not least, thank you very much for your support! Your input has been helpful along the way! :-)

Cheers,
Shirley

真實的心

「或許是因為我們在年輕時已交出我們真實的心，互相建立關係。」--謝楚宜

協恩的姊妹在我心中一直有一個重要又不可取代的位置。
或許這些深厚的關係背後的關鍵是真實的心，那真實的心又是什麼？
是否就是某朋友所說的free chat？是不是坦白、互相分享？

我想 交出真實的心是把自己最軟弱最折墮的一面 最美好最驕傲的的一面 沒有保留地展現出來。
這樣的展現可能會帶來眼淚、改變別人對自己的看法、別人對自己的批評…
但這樣透明的表露也可以是一個自己及群體合作的治療
所以或許不知不覺我們就這樣一起走過一段一起成長的日子…
Truly miss you all. Pray for our coming summer camp! :-)

其實我有問自己有否交出真實的心…
我很想，但我相信…需要時間。

我覺得很有趣。
今天有人話我唔講自己野，唔係好明我諗咩…
然後今晚我突然想起N年前我都同你講過同樣既野。
死啦，唔通我地真係swap左？！ :P
點解會咁架………
同埋以前D人成日都話你個樣好似讀counseling架喎
而家我又有D心思思喎
喂 唔好玩野好喎 : )

Vent

可不可以VENT一下

其實我真的很想知道你在想什麼
很想知道你從前在想什麼
我知道自己總是有個tendency在開心的時間打給朋友
今晚回家時 謝楚沒有接我電話
然後我發現 自己已經不能再打62223420
經過修哥魚鍋 我想起曾經在九龍城食過

究竟你重要的definition是不是一下子就可以消失的
曾經以為若果謝楚第一 你便是第二

不明白 不明白 一點也不明白
其實可能有很多事我都不知道

算了吧
最近發覺有很多事都要先放開自己
例如 擁抱
放開自己 也可以擁抱一個人

我相信我可以手放開
但或者 我還不能擁抱
或者這是好的

我相信
祢已為我準備最好的

回憶

今天 一個人去影印 一個人去旺角買schedule 一個人去申請visa 一個人去炮台山 一個人去clover飲咖啡 一個人去主日學 感覺很寫意

今早跟Oli談天 如果暑假去日本短宣都不錯丫 畢竟義工都做夠了 想做一些不同的事
那麼我練好日文的動力又會高一點點

主日學 認識了Ann Kitty及Gordan
他的分享…彷彿提醒了我一些東西
慶幸自己年少便對信仰認真 是的 這是一生的功課 也是唯一一件值得用一生追求的事

堅持

彎彎的月

今晚跑步時見到彎彎的月，想起在柬埔寨見到的月亮、日出、日落。
似乎柬埔寨這個地方會在我心有一個位置。

今天禱告的時候，對神說了所有的感覺：一切的疑問、道路不同的孤單，然後預料之外，我哭了。
深深的禱告神，若果這條路是我用自己的意思自己行出來的，我求衪帶我走回衪預備給我的路；若果這條路是對的，我求衪讓我看到衪的腳印，讓我感受到衪的同在，使我知道我並不孤單。

或者我最大的FEAR是孤單…
但現在卻慢慢變得喜愛一個人的生活。
一個人搭巴士，一個人去PCC，一個人去圖書館，一個人跑步，一個人行街
我是否漸漸由E變做I了…

為妳禱告，為你禱告，為我的暑假禱告。

Lost in Time and Space

從柬埔寨回來了，或許我需要身體及心靈上的適應。

其實每一次自己踏入五旬節門口也是一個struggle…
每一個hi也是一個test…
每一個眼神也彷彿是一個疑問。
有時候我也問自己 究竟這裡對我來說是一個什麼地方。
三、四年前我會說這裡是我的家，但近期心裡的懷疑卻愈來愈大…
究竟我會在這裡受浸嗎？
究竟我兩年後會回來，在這裡settle嗎？
又或者其實這個sense of belonging真的那麼重要嗎？

今天 當你不斷不斷的說的時候 當你帶領禱告的時候 我彷彿看到我五年前想像自己成長後的模樣
五年前 若如我沒有去美國 或者現在的我就好像現在的你一樣
說話 分享 領導 我看到我想自己成為的樣子
但事實就正如你說 我們的道路是不同了
彷彿我成為了從前的你
說話三思後才說 非常的observant　別人行先
彷彿我們的角色交換了
正如我在給你的postcard上說的
「這些不同使我們的生命有著一個不同的故事，也使我成為我，與我前後左右的人不同。」
有一刻我會覺得　有必要重複強調我們的不同嗎？
但今天或許是我第一次意識到這些不同之間的距離
或者　我應該明白 Without me, the world still moves on. Without me, you still move on.
你有你忙煩惱要做的事。

在Cambodia Period1完了之後，幾乎天天也有寫日記。
若果說這二十二天是生命重整的二十二天，是對的。
很喜歡大家圍著一起談自己的夢想。
在柬埔寨，我終於也articulate了自己的夢想，就是幫助及鼓勵其他人追求他們的夢想。
這是我生命的動力，是一種能夠keep me moving的動力。
今天敬拜的時候 很深的感受若果我們的生命是來自神寶貴的十架
那麼要有追求夢想的力量就先要來到神的面前，因為生命是來自衪。
離了衪　什麼也沒有意義。

我要禱告　禱告　禱告。