I feel like I am totally by myself. And this is one of those times. Again and again. I keep thinking... if there's anyone I can go to. I can't really think of anyone. I thought about... the last time when I cried in the presence of someone, when I could get some advice from someone, and when I could cry on someone's shoulder without worrying about anything. I can't really think of such a time. And then I remember my prayer to You, at the very beginning, in which I prayed that I would learn to be a leader directly from You. And I thought about Moses and Alan. Even God gave Alan to Moses as a companion, when Moses went up to the mountain to see God for the 10 commandments, Moses returned only to find out that Alan created the gold calf together with the Israelite.
I know all of these. But I just pray that You let me see You. You let me see that You are with me and that You know that I shred tears and You count them.
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