Fear. Love. Memory

Recently, I have realized that my daily life goes on with a number of inner fears I have. For example, I fear that I may crash into something or someone when I bike; I fear that I may not make the hill when I bike and that I will need to push up the bike looking like an idiot (this didn't happen by the way); I fear that I may be late; I fear that the Internet connection might have been slowed when I did the Skype interview. The truth is all these fears are quite unnecessary. Most important of all, fears do not help. They do not help you to face the reality, solve the problem when there is one, or help you to evaluate yourself. So why do we have fear anyway?

However, there's a fear in me that has creeped in from times to times. Believe it or not, Alzheimer's Disease. This may sound ridiculous because I am now 21 years old and AD patients are usually in their 50s. But who knows when the onset will start? About a week ago, there was a little incident after I shopped. It made me panic because at that moment, I felt like, "wow, this is really possible." Combining my forgetfulness, walking in wrong directions for a number of times during the summer when I clearly knew the way, and many others incidents, I feel like maybe this is really possible. Haha... It may be the consciousness of a psychology student.

Then, I begin to wonder: what will I lose if I have Alzheimer's? During the summer, I watched two movies concerning AD: Iris, and a Korean movie. What will happen if I forget my loved ones? And is love based on memory then after all? (You may say no because you believe in love in first sight but sorry, I don't.) When all relationships are built with time and love, if one doesn't have the memories anymore, is the relationship still there? Another side question is that: can an amnesics develop relationships with others then? (This question should have been already answered.) I don't know. All these just push me to treasure more what I have at the moment. To live, to love, to treasure, to cherish, to value, and to feel THE MOMENT.

Tomorrow will be my third day of classes. I have accepted the fact that I will be in a holiday mood forever here. But I do make an effort to speak in Japanese and to improve. And I do my homework. :-)

Lastly, I send all my best wishes and the song below to those who are reading this post.

Remember when I was young and so were you
and time stood still and love was all we knew
You were the first, so was I
We made love and then you cried
Remember when

Remember when we vowed the vows
and walked the walk
Gave our hearts, made the start, it was hard
We lived and learned, life threw curves
There was joy, there was hurt
Remember when

Remember when old ones died and new were born
And life was changed, disassembled, rearranged
We came together, fell apart
And broke each other's hearts
Remember when

Remember when the sound of little feet
was the music
We danced to week to week
Brought back the love, we found trust
Vowed we'd never give it up
Remember when

Remember when thirty seemed so old
Now lookn' back it's just a steppin' stone
To where we are,
Where we've been
Said we'd do it all again
Remember when
Remember when we said when we turned gray
When the children grow up and move away
We won't be sad, we'll be glad
For all the life we've had
And we'll remember when

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4tvuDl1FCM&feature=related